Tuesday, November 30, 2010

cold day, new job

I was all bundled up and ready to be on my way to BWW for orientation when I realized that it was snowing.  SNOWING!  … in November?   Well, to start with I really really really hate cold whether.   Next, I only have a motorcycle and was hoping I’d have at least another month before snow started falling.  It will make me strong, but I can not wait to get a car.  . .  at least I’ll be starting at bww soon and will have the budget to get one : )

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ink rebels.

Shout out to Ink rebels  Who is now my bible to blogging.   

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Check 'em out:  Inkrebels.com

Thanksgiving berry

I have a pint of peach pucker that has been sitting in my fridge since at least 7 or 8 months….  I bought it when I still worked at Warehouse liquor mart and we had it on sale for 1.99.    Unfortunately, up til now, I haven’t yet found the occasion to use it.  

Today I sat in front of my open fridge trying to come up with a drink.   With orange juice, milk, and cranberry juice as my only mixers, I wasn’t real sure what to do with my liquors that stuck with the chocolate or creamy categories. . . 
That’s when I saw the peach pucker sitting next to the cranberry juice.   I’m not a fan of cranberry juice (it’s too sweet for my taste)  but, for some reason, I thought I’d try the concoction sitting in front of me.  With a shot of pucker and a little juice (in a pretty wine glass)  the taste of pucker was un noticeable.   After another half shot of the pucker, the drink reminded me of the cranberry sauce I have every thanksgiving.   Topped with cool whip and a cherry for looks, I had the perfect cocktail. 

Thanksgiving berry:
1.5 oz peach pucker
cranberry juice

pour into wine glass, garnish with cool whip and a cherry.
(Im sure a splash of sprite would be beautiful in it.)

Friday, November 26, 2010

classy christmas decor.

For the entire article: apartment therapy

I don't think it was even two weeks ago i was blogging that i don't have any good christmas decor  ideas that is tacky.   I HATE tacky and with that said i'm not a fan of anything blow up or old looking. . .  Then i found this blog on Apartment Therapy.  I've always gone all out on lights because that's the only decor that isn't tacky.....   They are some good points and their readers also left some cute ideas.  (such as filling a thick flower vase with water and freezing it for an ice candle.  .. . super cute idea. 

christmas here i come.

A very black day.

Black Friday…. I guess they call it black because it’s still dark out when people wake up for “amazing deals” .

There’s not that many things that I’m looking for a great deal on that I can’t get on sale still at 7 or 8 or even 10. I’m sure some people are doing a big list of Christmas shopping and need every minute of that time….. I’m not. I did; however, still wake up at 430. I need a pair of black slip proof shoes for this job at BWW and they had a pair of crocks (that are cute :] ) for 10 bucks. Normally 30. They were 10 off and then the first 100 customers get a 10 dollar gift card. . . and being a thrifty college kid…..

After finally throwing my blankets off, I managed to get up and make it to the shoe carnival less than 5 minutes before the doors opened. I was surprised to find that I wasn’t the only one wanting to be there for that card. As I got closer and closer to the door, the employee passing out cards still held a stack in his hand… only to empty it 4 or 5 people before me : ( . It was still ok because I’d be getting those shoes that I have to have and still spending a little less. As I finished shopping around I ran into Erin, a girl from high school that I was decent good friends with at one point. She had an extra card (you could only use one at a time and she came with her husband) so she pawned the other one off on me . . success!

So now it’s 5:50 and I’m back in my warm bed with a pair of cute shoes that I had to have and got a butt load of savings on them. I’m eating some oatmeal and thinking about all those people out in the cold. . . wuahahahaha..

So after a morning (by morning I mean an hour that was early enough to constitute the entire morning) of heavy shopping (by heavy I mean buying one pair of shoes that are cool enough to constitute heavy) I did manage to fall in love with the next fashion fad: over the knee boots.

I’m not saying it’s a fad that will flow with everyone. I’m sure too many people will wear them with jeans that have too small of a waist band (an already bad mistake made worse by skinny jeans or boots that emphasize the legs). It defently would NOT be a great fad for short people ( tall boots would just make them look shorter) but for normal size people wearing clothes that fit correctly…. These are the most beautiful boots ever. I found a pair this morning that I am in love with. I mean IN LOVE!!!! I’m actually tempted to get up in a few hours and go back.

There is also a camera that I really want to buy….. it’s 150. Together I’d be pushing 200 bucks. : l I’m not sure about that . . .

Let me know if you found any awesome deals that are just plain epic.

Let’s go shopping and forget about all our problems.

jolly green christmas?

 I saw a little girl, at church last week, wearing a pink tutu and a black and white polka dot shirt with a matching head band and bottomed it off with hot pink tights.  I always love the way little kids can wear custumes or crazy clothes and people think its cute….  I want to be inspired by their carefree, imaginative ideas.  They never care if anyone else likes the outfit, as long as the do…. I used this to inspire my green tights. 

The style seems to be wearing knee length cotton dresses with a sweater and colored tights.  This just seems too motherly for me…. And a little on the boring/ cautious side.

I pulled out my green tights this morning. After some contemplating I decided on a lacey skirt that reminded me of a calm tutu.  I was going to top it with a green long sleeve shirt but when I realized it was still missing something I added a white pilgrimish top over it.   I defently can’t pull out green tights with a serious outfit, but I love them with  these fun combonations.

I decided the out fit looked more Christmas-y for thanksgiving; however, I am defently pulling out this costume in a week or two : ) 

Thursday, November 25, 2010

unaccepted defeat.

I’ve decided today that too many people accept defeat too easily.   Whether it be bikers who get hit wrongfully or politicians being outweighed by corruption, too many people let those higher than them win battles and wars.  Weather they argue that there’s no one behind them or that they don’t have a voice….. EVERYONE has a voice.   Anyone can start a war.  The deciding factor is weather they are willing to go to that effort or willing to sacrifice that amount. 
People WANT to follow someone with passion.  You don’t need to start with anyone behind you to gain an army of followers.   You don’t have to be someone special or powerful to erupt passion from fellow passioners. 
Weather the battle is against a boss or a mayor or on morals or on laws, everyone has a voice to defend themselves. 

My mother got hit by a car the other day.   She wasn’t moving.   Sitting at a stop light, the parked car behind her somehow hit her.  He didn’t receive a ticket.  The chief told my mother that tickets where up to the descreation of the officer.  Now she is accepting defeat.   They say they don’t have enough  people behind her.   I disagree.   She is 20 min (maybe) from Where I live.   Every biker in my town would back her up.   In order to change the way the police are running her town she has to be willing to lose a battle.  She has to be willing to sacrifice the here and now pride in or order to win the long term,.  “talking” about going to the paper isn’t getting any articles written. 
She thinks it is a losing battle…. I think she is talking about a battle that she has refused to start.  If it we I, I would be willing to lose in order to leave a mark and cause them a hassle.  … I’m not saying she’s wrong, i just believe she isn’t putting forth enough effort to even call her situation a battle.  .  She’s like the runt getting bullied at school – go to self defense class, work out, and strengthen yourself to win instead of just handing over your lunch money.

My mother is not the only one who defeats themselves….  People do it everyday.   But if people would stand up for themselves (rightfully and not selfishly) they would get a lot farther in life and win a lot more wars than they were expecting. 
If you have that much passion . . exert it.  Be bold.  Sacrifice you pride.  Use your effort.  Don’t accept defeat and defeat will lose over to you. 

 .. heack.  I'm never going to accept defeat - even when it looks me in the eyes.

Happy Turkey-ing.

Today will be spent with the fam in a small town about 30 min from where I live.  I’m sure there will be turkey (call me un-american, but this is not my favorite food) and stuffing and sweet potatoes (yum).   I’m sure everyone will be right on que to roll their eyes as my mother decides we need to say what we’re thankfull for.
It’s not that I’m not thankful for my family and my country and my god and my life in general, but we all know those things already and these little “exersizes” just seem silly since no one is going to come up with anything new from last year unless someone got a new job or a new baby or a new house. 
So I’m going to do a little pre brainstorming and try to come up with something creative to every other year:

Boring, every year, answers:
Good food
Warm house

Of course those are all true but what else can I put on that list:
Lessons learned
Hard time that make me tough
Eccentric, unusual style that is bold enough to be my own
Unusual controversial ideas that god gives me to keep life exciting.
Independence that builds me into who I want me to be
The ability to live my own life despite what the world wants. 
A God that thinks I’m beautiful even when the world says my life is ugly.

I live a life that non-christians don’t understand and Christians think is wrong.  I like this life.   I mess up but I try.   God still loves me.  I drink beer and I’m friends with worldly people….. but I think God loves me because of that.  I’m loving God in a godless world.  Get over it.  I’m thankful that God has given me the life of a sinner, at least I can relate to the world now.  I can befriend them and I can be a witness. 

What am I thankful for?  Sure I understand your boring answers, but I like mine better because they actually take heart to be thankful for my answers.

I am thankful for everything in my life that stands me apart from traditional or stereotypical.  I am thankful for anything that makes me bold when the rest of the world will sit back.   I am thankful for everything that I never wanted…. Everything that has molded me into me. 

What am I thankful for?  I am thankful for a life without regret., not a single regret. 

Give me an answer that you’ve never heard before. What are you thankful for?

Happy turkey : )

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

kick ass.

super amazing.  The opening scene is a very inappropriate.. if you can past that,  the rest of the movie is excellent. 
To start with they have an Excelent cast of characters.  I would give you names, but I don’t know any actor’s names. 
The plot was not only an excellent plot but played all the way through without skipping a beat.   
Outside of the opening scene, there was only one other sex scene.  That second scene was well played.
It defently isn’t for the faint of heart.  It’s not clean in any manner of the word.  It was full of cusing and full of violence.  I feel like it was so well played out that it was still 5 stars.  It was not only epic origional, but fun and serious all at the same time.  Yes, there was a bit of romance, but not enough to call it romantic.  

I would call it every comic fan’s bible. 
I’m not even a comic fan and I love it.  I love super heroes.  I love whimsical, colorful, people.  I love people who are inspired. I love people who want to do something in the world.   I really like this movie.   
I wouldn’t call it breath taking or amazing, but it is defently a kick ass movie. 
I defently give it two thumbs up.

Ps.  There is evenly a great closing playlist.

a raveshing photo?

I have my final interview with Buffolo wild wings in about 3 hours.  This will be my hire or fired interview.  I’m praying for a job.  I don’t know if the banks are open today, but if they are I think I’ll go ahead and start the loan process.   If i get that job, the first thing I’m doing is calling a lady that has a nice deal on her car. 

Along with buying a car,  I’m investing in a nice recorder.   As I’ve mentioned before, I have a habbit of brainstorming at random times but then I end up forgetting the ideas later when I go to blog.  I want a recorder so I can sit at the bar and talk into it and look super special.  I’m kidding.  But it would look either super crazy or super proffesional. Laugh out loud : )

While I’m on the blogging subject.  I’ve come up with my weekly idea yesterday (courtesy of WTS).  The plan is to pick a random spot in town or around town and photo op it.   Then sit and write what ever I can stir up on that photo.   I think it’s a brilliant idea.  I don’t know how many bars have cheek chandeliers or brilliant brick walls or a classy upper town paint job.  Even on the street I constantly see store fronts that would look ravishing in a kitchen or church bathrooms that need an uplift as badly as my grandma’s  needs one.   The next pro to this idea is that  it would fit beautifully into a collum for the town paper (which I have been toying with already) 

Overall, my life seems to be picking up quite nicely.  All I need is this job and I can start rolling in a forward motion.   I love it. 

Ps.  My next fashion challenge:  green tights.  Remember a couple weeks ago when I blogged a fashion no about a girl in green tights?  My goal is to use those same tights and make them a fashion yes…..wish me luck.  

And one last note….. 
Happy thanksgiving : )  be sure to eat some Turkey. 

A not so uptown bar.

Down town Carbondale, there is a little pub.  It’s called either Chicago pub or underground.  I’m not really sure.  I’ve heard both.  Anyone who’d lived in Carbondale very long has seen it.  It’s at the end of the strip.  Driving by it’s an up town brick building with a white picket fence around the beer garden. It is absolutely picturesque.
Last night I decided I needed to make a visit.  I’d been there years ago when it was under previous management, But a year of being closed normally changes a place. 
With the exterior presentation and the neon “underground” light welcoming in guest, the expectations where high.  It’s presentation took me to London underground.  I imagined high top tables in black and quite, romantic, brick red booths.  Maybe dim lighting and a sleek bar. 
The interior immediately disappointed me.  It reminded me of my grandmothers kitchen.  The liquor presentation was classy, but it ended there. With pale peach walls and a 60’s floral pattern for booths, I felt like I was in a bar without a budget.  The green bar top was frowned upon by WTS but I thought it would go well with a gold brown walling. 
While the décor was not top line, the service was.  After picking a seat at the bar, we were immediately waited on.  WTS and I dissected our opinion of the place and as conversation dwindled I realized that was nothing for my eyes to rest on.  With only two tables being occupied the place was too slow to people watch without being akward and while the idea of not having a tv was quaint, I decided it wasn’t appropriate for anyplace with a bar. 
Overall, the service was good.  The prices were middle range (Not high, but defently not cheap), though maybe a little high for a place with “behind the times” décor.  The décor was just unbearable.  It’s exterior is beautiful, but the interior was under the bottom for me…. Probably not my choice of bars to chill at since there is no entertainment. 
Despite the amazing service, I would give it maybe 2 stars due to the horrid atmosphere.  However, I would go back again under the right circumstances. 

geographical boldness.

The national geographic is known for it’s educated articles.  It is also renouned for it’s articles on afgan and other middle eastern women.  Photos of mamed women are common amongst it’s pages.  The women who venture out in search of the truth are brave.  The women living the truth are even more brave.  I read these pages and while some people are saddened by the stories of these women, I am enraged.  Women, traded like cattle and beaten worse than any animal here.  How could any man treat a woman like that and live with him self?  How could he treat another person with that disrespect and survive?  If a woman in the U.S. was seen being hit, that man would get his butt kicked at the least.  If I saw I woman with scars from a man, I might be shot for the results of my eyes.  These are wrongful countries and any government that supports that kind of treatment deserves to rot in hell.    In the lesser offense:  I understand pre arranged marriage, but to be FORCED in to marriage, and with an old man?  I would kill a man who was forced on me.  I would do anything it took to make him regret.  How can anyone see the lives of these women and stand by?  The fact that any human could be so cruel disgusts me.  No one deserves to live that kind of life.  No one.  How do you fight back?  How does a person like me, enraged by such treatment, react? 
One day, I am going to change the world.   I want to show these women hope.  I want to kill the men who did these things.   I want to show the world that they can do something about it… but can they?  Can i?  How do I step above my own abilities to take revenge for these women?  

Monday, November 22, 2010

Happy shelving.

Once again, Apartment Therapy has another house tour  that is to die for.  Really, i'm just in love with this shelving.  

Check out the rest of the post  here

Buttered beer

I'm not one of those riddiculus "dress up in a cloke" type fans, but i love harry potter as much as the next guy. When i was in Jr. High (when the final book came out) I was all about letting my imagination go wild. Now I've found Harry Potter's own buttered beer recipie on Apt. Therapy. It's as simple as cream soda and butter extract. Rumor has it that it's not over the top sweet but still quite wicked.. . . get it? wicked! ;ol

I found the origional article here: at apartment therapy

The inspiration of their article came from: bakingdom

Thursday, November 18, 2010

someone kill the damn turkey

Gun season starts tomorrow.  It’s going to be a little weird this year since my dad can’t get in a stand.  He’s not quite recouped from his surgery last week.   He is getting up and driving to my grandma’s with me, just not actually hunting.  It makes me a little sad, but I’m glad he’s going with me at least.

I was trying to get William Thomas to go with me.  I doubt he will since he has to work and it’s really early.  I’m still hoping. 

So here’s to gun season and deer jerky.

Ed Hardy wine?

I told you a couple days ago that I was dying to try the Ed Hardy wine. 
Last night, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I sucked it up, gritted my teeth, and bought the bottle of Lambrusco (figured I go with a pretty safe kind in case it was a horrid brand).  It was nothing like the [insert brand here because I can’t remember] Lambrusco.  Opening it, there was a release of pressure and I automaticly got worried as very few carbonated wines are very high reviews.  Pouring it, there were several similarities with the La Passion of Italy.  It was a thick red with a pink foam.  The first sip, it tasted like a cheap wine.  Not bad.  Not amazing.  It did actually taste like a wine which surprised me as I was expecting something along the lines of boones farm or arbor mist (wich I like even though it’s not really a wine) .  While it was defently wine, it was very VERY grapie.  With 8% achohol it had defently fermented, but clearly hadn’t sat very long or been rotated many times.  I would say that a flavor like lambrusco isn’t too hard to get right.  They make a rose, I think that is on my list next.  It has a cooler bottle and is a little easier to mess up and meant to be less juicy than lambrusco so I will be able to taste the quality a little better.  This wine last night, was like a carbonated grape juice mixed with a wine. It wasn’t really sugary which is some improvement from other wines (such as the local wines)  but it was still very sweet.  It truly did remind me of a grape juice that was left open on the counter too long, but the taste it self wasn’t unappealing and so I could drink it again, though not as a wine conesure.

The second wine that I had last night was a bottle that I have seen many times when I worked at the warehouse.  The first appeal to it was the label.  Simply white with a permanent marker picture of an old fashioned steak house on a dark bottle.  Cabernet sauvington is a wine that makes me nervous as I’m not a huge dry wine fan.  After the sweeter wine, steak house tied in perfectly with my taste buds.  Lingering with a super and desert combo in my mouth.  After a few drinks and after the wine had time to take over from the Ed Hardy, I could taste the wood in it.  It was excellently aged but not too old.   Drinking Steak house I could taste the wooden barrels that is was aged in.  It was a dry wine, but with a sweet (almost berryish) finish.  I’m not one to say “this would be good with X food” because normally I’ve had wines that are good alone, but this is an excellent dinner wine.  ….. hints the name, steak house, it would more specificly be perfect for a steak dinner.  After a full glass (nearly equevalint of 2 glasses)  The dryness began to set in, just as it does with any dry wine, but I imagine that with the right side (side meaning steak) it would do nicely. . . besides, through the time you can eat a dinner, can you really fit in much more than two glasses of anything?

Overall, I am content with the wine choices.  Ed hardy – a good wine for non wine drinkers.   Sweet, but not too sugary, and more of a grape juice. 
Steak house – dry with a hint of something sweet, perfect with a heavy super, excellently turned. 

Let me know what new wines have caught your eye or what new brands you’ve discovered that are suprising or unexpected.

In the mean time, happy wining.  

Is that you're boyfriend?

open relationships, booty calls, “in a relationship”, just talking, friends with benefits, not together….. there are so many different titles and so many different types of relationships, but really they are all relationships that are tangled with emotion. 

Whether that person you’re sleeping with is part of a relationship or if you’re not together at all….. it’s still some sort of relationship.  Even if miniscule, there are still emotions and feelings tied in there…. Unless you’re like me, emotionless in every aspect.  Which title you choose decides what kind of relationship, but none the less it is still a relationship.

Take me and WTS for example,  We are not together.  We are going to get married someday.  We are NOT together, but I’m still in love with him.   You explain that relationship to me. laugh out loud.

In our society a booty call or one night stand isn’t such a frowned upon thing anymore.   People are looking for an emotional satisfaction with out the pain and trouble of a tied down relationship….. After the past year, I can understand why.   Perhaps there are more people, lost with emotion like me, than I realized.  Perhaps it helps you forget the reality of their pain and it prevents actual relationships.

The thing is,  we all want the security of a relationship.  The difference is what we end up getting tied into and what we decide to call it and how we want to treat it……. But it’s a satisfaction of . . . of something that we are all searching for.   Maybe it’s a need to be needed or a want to be wanted.    Even the boy who chases one night stands -  you take him and take away the attraction and he will fee like failure.  Even he is looking for the satisfaction of being wanted.  We, as people, are not made to be alone.   God saw man and made him woman and he saw all that was good and knew it was good.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

american privacy.

I'm pretty sure that you already know what this blog is about.... the same subject as every political conversation in america right now:  privacy scanners.

I have been against the idea from the second they explained it.

I don't know how anyone can argue that this isn't an intrusion of privacy or against our constitutional right.
I can say, however, that i have found ONE article that is for it that i can agree with.... but i will let you read it and decide for yourself.   Just let me know your opinion on the subject of the strip scanners.

funny or die's take on the new air flight scanners.

Monday, November 15, 2010

a classy Tv

apartment therapy
Most Tv.s aren't very classy.  This one actually looks not so modern.  I like

A drink of Ed Hardy

I went to a liquor store the other day that i rarely visit. They had a wine that surprised me. The brand - Ed Hardy.

Now i know that Ed Hardy is a popular brand. To be honest, i don't know what style or fashion it is or really what it is at all. I did not think that it was a wine. Apparently it is now.
There was one employee there that seemed to think that it would be very bad. It's only a 6 or 7 dollar bottle. I'm about that spot that i want to try it just because the brand seems to be so well known and it's a brand i would love to dissect if it's not horrid..... and it makes a Lambrusco (a sweet wine) and you can't possibly make a Lambrusco that is that unbearable. That is like saying you have had a bad moscato (something I've not heard of yet)

creative match says "wine drinking is often associated with sophistication, enjoyment, and relaxation, whereas the Ed Hardy brand is thought of as edgy and uncouth. Most wines target older and affluent market segments, but Ed Hardy targets young and risky trend setters. Gene Schaeffer, Vice President of Nicolas Wines, the importer of the Ed Hardy wine from France’s Castel Group, says "There's nothing really new and exciting in the wine business. When this idea came along I thought we could develop new wine drinkers.""

With as much an oxymoron as Ed Hardy and wine are i am now dying to try it.  It may turn out to be really good or it might be a total mess of crap, but i am interested.  If it turns out to be really good, i would be happy because a good wine in an awesome bottle would be a beautiful thing.

cold fashion debate.

As the cold creeps in, women are trying to find new ways to stay warm while still being fashionable.  The "fad" that has picked up popularity this summer will be extra exaggerated as winter draws closer as it is a beautiful, and sometimes not so beautiful, solution to warmth.  

The idea of leggings has been around for years, but up until now it has been an idea that has stayed hidden under dress pants or jeans or long dresses.   This year it has been exposed to the fashion world as women have began removing the pants and pairing their leggings with t-shirts, dresses, and oversized - sweaters.

Some women have seen the glory of leggings that have been paired with a proper top:
Notice that the photo on left has been smart enough to cover her rump while the photo on right she has chosen a pair of leggings that aren't so skin tight, making them more as pants and less as spandex.  Both photos have spread their color throughout the outfit, evening them out and preventing them from looking top heavy. 

While many women have figured out the secret to leggings, there are still many who have not:
The entire outfit is sloppy making her look like an 80's druggie.

The key to leggings is to take a step back and look at yourself in the mirror before you actually decide to make them part of your outfit.   Most of the mistakes women make would be noticed if they took a look at themselves before stepping into public.

There are several major mistakes women make when attempting to pull off leggings but really, every mistake is summarized into one main problem - wearing them with a shirt that is not spandex or not long enough (a t-shirt or a ruffly jacket or even a dressy blouse that isn't tight fitted).  This makes any woman look like she just stepped out of the gym or it may make a lady that is not stick skinny and 100 feet tall look top heavy enough to knock her over:

Legging icon, Lindsey Lohan, has had several amazing fashion days with leggings.  She has also had sever unsuccessful days:
Lohan's attempt at left, i don't even know if it would count as a fashion attempt,  I would call it more of a costume.   The outfit on right, i hope she was coming from the gym before that coffee (at least she's short enough that she's not top heavy despite the sweat-shirt).  It's the perfect example of why leggings should be worn UNDER tops and not just with them.  

She's not the only one who makes this mistake.  I don't know how many people i've seen in the groccery store wearing t-shirts and leggings and showing off every lump and bump of cellulite.   That is NOT a fashion statement.  

I believe leggings are a heavenly solution to staying warm.  I also believe that many women wear them wonderfully paired with a dress (short or long) or any top that comes over their bottom.  I just hope that if you decide to pull a out the leggings that you can remember that they are NOT meant to be worn as pants but as part of the outfit and that any outfit design should be worn in accordance with your body type.  

happy Leggings.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

an extended room

Most people know that i'm a HUGE fan of mirrors... anyone who's been in my house anyway.  I have a mirror in EVERY SINGLE room.   and i have 3 in my bed room.   Mirrors radiate lighting.  They extend a room, close to doubling it in size.  They look classy.  They are usefull to any girl :)

When i was doing my daily blog readings i ran across Desire to inspire with this photo and i was absolutely in love with this head board.  It's rough and yet still very feminin.

desire to inspire

Tailgating and wine trails.

Yesterday was an epic day.
I would like to start off by saying that responsible drinking is my key to ENJOYING drinks.

Yesterday started off great with a tail gate  (tailgate = free food, beer, monsters, moes, and an amazing balloon man names awesome)  I went with a group of my close buddies and we had a grand time just relaxing, especially about noon when the sun finally decided to bless us with it's presence.

The day got even better when Will showed up to try out the new chilli's with him.  (chilli's = good food, great service, amazing clean restaurant)  We had wings and ribs.  The wings were average wings, but the ribs were drop down amazing.  The chambord margarita was made to perfection.  Our sever was not only timely and friendly, she also was a down right excellent server.  To top it off, while we did have only a 5 minute wait to get bar seats, we also were gotten to very quickly;  even our food took less than 20, maybe even 15, min to arrive after order.   Chilli's has my 5 thumbs up, not just for it's food, but even more for it's service.

For evening entertainment, my friend Dainna snatched me for her wine trail adventure.  We ended up going with Rustle hill, a winery I've always been a fan of.  While most of the wines I'm partial towards were completely out, we did manage to pick out a semi dry red that Daina and i could both manage.  The lone guitarist was a nice back ground music.  As we finished the bottle of wine my excitement rose when the swamp tigers walked in.  I've only heard them once before last night but they have an excellent style with their retro, individual style that they they carried into their music and throughout the band.   When will found out they were playing he didn't miss a beat on making his way there.

After a busy day i met an all time excitement when will introduced me to an awesome lady named Debbie from the Carbodale times.   She was excellent conversationalist and a very nice lady.  As her and i traded conversation we watched on while a younger girl hit the dance floor pulling out moves better anything i've ever imagined dropping.   I'm pretty excited, not only that a young girl would have respectable dance moves that actually drop the floor, but also that i have now made an aquaintance Debbie who has been the center of more than one admorable complemient.

As topped off as the day was after meeting debbie, My day wasn't over.   I've been having a buddy from chicago staying at my place this weekend and the "get together" that was planned to take place at my place was yet to happen that night.  After a day of good drinking, i wasn't all that drawn towards the basic beer that everbody showed up with, but i certainly didn't mind the company or the fellowship.

Even from the get go yesterday was a perfect day.   I hung out with a wide range of my friends, had several relaxed functions to attend and all day didn't have to deal with any responsabilities outside of relaxing for a good day.

From tailgating to get togethers, yesterday was beautiful.

The two highlights of my day:
The balloon man, named awesome, from tailgating and meeting Debbie, from the Carbondale Times

Awesome, the balloon man

One of the many completed works of Awesome

Every where you looked there was another ballloon creation.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Spring cleaning is about due

Spring cleaning is about due here on loft apt. It will happen sometime this week.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Barren porch.

I've been working on a creative solution of my front porch.
I got a citation from the city last week for my chair .. .  apparently it isn't allowed on my porch (who the government is to tell me what kind of chair i can put on my porch, I'm not sure....)

Apartment therapy lent me several intriguing ideas:

I like the fact that there is color and cozyness.

I have always been drawn to that "brooklyn" look that this reminds me of... on top of the fact that it's simple and easy.

Both this picture and the next appeal to me as I've ALWAYS been a fan of curtains, though i do think the netting in this top one would be far easier to maintain after rains.... as opposed to the dirt that regular cloth would collect. 

I guess i've been inspired, now i just need to get to work.  I'll let you know what i end up settling on.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

how long can live without the sparkle of stars

14 karats of gold shimmer up from the bed beside me. My hand looks so bare without it. Outside of a few months last year, this is the first time since I was 16 (maybe even longer) that my finger has been bare.

My fingers look so small and fragile without the band of safely wrapped around my finger. They almost look frail.

It’s not necessarily a permanent decision. It’s not one that I want shaping the next year of my life. It is a decision I have to make to keep myself sane.

It could be years before a different ring graces that finger and I don’t know that I can bare the constant reminder of everything that has happened. (Not even just with that band, but everything that band represents.)

My hand just looks to ill without it and I’m not letting go of my heart, where ever he has hidden it. As much as this reminder hearts, I’m just not ready to let it go.

If found: reward.

I would have given you all of my heart
But there’s someone who’s torn it apart.

And he’s taken just all that I had
But if you wanna try to love again

Baby I’ll try to love again
But I know

The first cut is the deepest.
Baby I know,
The first cut is the deepest.

But when it comes to be lucky he’s first.
When it comes to loving me, he’s first.

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I’ve cried

If you wanna try to love again
Wanna try

I’ll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest.
Baby I know,
The first cut is the deepest

I suppose this isn’t quite true.
I’ve loved before.
Of course, it wasn’t quite as serious as this one.

My first love was cut off quite a bit sooner than this one.

It’s true that once you love, you never forget.
You never heal.

You can sew your heart back together, but you will forever have those scars.
This time I actually gave him my entire heart so he didn’t have to tear it to pieces, he could just burry it. The problem with that is that now I have no heart at all. I do feel like he has taken the lock off the safe where he had it hidden, now if I can just find it’s hiding spot I could love again? I don’t know that I will ever find it again.

You can live without your emotional heart. You can still survive.
Emotions are what make you live – that’s what I use to believe.
Thank God I have the gift of empathy. Now I will live off of other’s emotions. I can feed off the determination that I remember having and I can survive off of the inspiration fed by the earth.

One of the biggest problems, relationship wise, with not having emotions isn’t that you can’t love – I don’t mind that part. My problem is that even intimate moments aren’t intimate. Things that are made to stir feelings are now just worldly pleasures to me. I don’t even get an adrenaline flow out of punching a guy for grabbing my butt anymore. . . I used to have such bold lines and while I still have lines, I don’t get any rush from tempting those lines. I don’t have any emotion, even I’m interested in someone. I care about life, not at all and because of that my adrenaline is low. I live off of adrenaline but now that I have no heart It takes 100000 x more danger to even touch a bit of fear or any other feeling.

There are so many things that stir emotion and are taken for granet…. Until you have no heart and therefore no emotion – then you realize all the little emotions that you used to feel.
Tattoos are now simply physical, they used to be determination
Music is now an empathy that I feed off of.
Warm beds used to make me smile and now they just remind me that I have to get to work.
Ice cream gave me a satisfaction of my child hood (it’s been almost a month since I took a bite of the ice cream sitting in my freezer…. I’ve NEVER had ice cream last that long.)
I’ve always been an adrenaline junkie, now I need it because it is strong enough to poke an emotion…. The emotion of fear. (even if it is just a poke)

I’ve now loved twice.
Twice I’ve been hurt.
At least this time, I lost my heart all together.
Now I don’t have to feel.
.... not even love
……or pain.

I will say,
The second love was deeper.
It hurt more,
But I gave more.

Dear Bear, You broke my heart. At least you gave it back. Now I have no heart at all......

Well crap, what do I do now?

Guess I’ll go ride real fast and run from the cops and graffiti my living room and maybe I’ll go donate some blood if I can fit it in.

Going skydiving….
Haven’t decided if I’m taking a parachute or not yet.

call me sometime, I’ll show you how I break into buildings.

my brain isn't so smart.

There are some things that you know… you don’t have to be told. No one has to point them out. You just know.

This is one of those.

The thing is, right now I don’t know. I know how things will end up but right now I’m not so sure.

What I do know: when it’s all said and done there will be no interruption. I will make sure of that.
There will be no doubts or second thoughts. There will be NO other people.
I will go to ANY extent to make sure that things are righteous. (by any I mean even extents outside of my own character)

This may sound a little extreme, but when the battle is over the war will have just begun and I’m not going to just sit by.

There are some things that you know…. But there are somethings you don’t know at all…

There are some things that you only think you know….. There are some people you don’t know at all…

Monday, November 08, 2010

take care.

“if you have something of good quality and you take good care of it, it will be with you forever”
- “Killers”

I wish Mr WTS could learn that. But then again, who am I to determine what is good quality or not.

heart or destiny?

"If you had to choose between your heart or your destiny?"
It comes off as a difficult question. When you in the moment of “love“ It seems like letting go would kill you.
However, why would you EVER choose something as frutal as an emotion over what you were made for? Whether it be love or hate or pain or loneliness or joy, it all seems as deep as your heart when your feeling that emotion. It’s not forever, not even the feeling of love. (maybe a decision to love, but not the emotion) It will NOT last, why would you let that be the base of ANY decision?

You’re destiny is what where made to fulfill. It’s not something you can just leave. Not something you can just forget about. It’s deeper that just an action and it’s embedded in your very being. It’s not something you can escape. How is there anything that could be more important than what you were made for? The only way I could escape my destiny is to escape my very being. You would have to seriously loose everything you are in order to let go of who you were made to be. . . . Not that that is an impossible task because I know personally that loosing yourself is more than possible (been there, done that)

If you had to choose between your heart or your destiny?
Why would you even think twice? You’re heart is just a frivolous capsule of emotion that flows that the Mississippi. Why would you let the determine any decision? I think I will choose my destiny. Do you still have a destiny after you loose everything you are? I hope so because it would give me a reason to live again. I suppose I still have a reason, I just have to find it again. After all, I do still love Jesus.


Good movie. It was quite the playoff of mr and mrs smith but it was still very cute. Maybe not much of a plot outside of the obvious plot, but it was still really cute. I give it 3 or 4 thumbs up. . . not quite 5 : )

Epix previews.

I was watching the previews for “killers” (which I am watching right now and it’s turning amazing) and one of the previews was for a movie network called Epix. I should have thought of that name since that IS my favorite word. I was pretty excited that someone named anything “epix”

Next subject: what makes A good preview = a couple good punch lines and an amazing sound track.

getting wet

Today is my first day back on the job with swim school. I’m not going to lie… I don’t really like getting in the water for this job. I guess it’s better than no job, but I’m still dreading riding home in the cold, on my bike. At least it’s not very far. I’ll just have to suck it up. I am really excited to see the kids again. From what I hear, the last teacher really scared most of the kids off because she was really mean to them. Hopefully I can get this running smoothly again. That is my goal. Even if I can’t do this very long or if I get another job, I want to get swim school a good reputation again.

Here it goes… wish me luck : )

“Cemeteries sure grows a lot of fake flowers”

I Participated in my first motorcycle wreck yesterday. I was not really part of per say, but I was in the group. I was on the back of Torf’s bike and we were leading. When he went to turn I looked back just in time to see Billy and the other biker shoulder to shoulder. I let out several 4 letter words and was off Torf’s bike before It was even stopped. Fortunately no one was hurt. A little bit of road burn and I’m sure bruises are popping up today but it wasn’t too bad. Billy’s bike had slipped out from under him when he hit the other guy; him and Kristi, the passenger, flew off the bike and it wan’t ½ second after I made sure Kristi was ok and I was checking on the bike. His bike is quite dented up ) : with a big dent in the gas tank (and a small hole) the radiator was the biggest damage. Billy put in the call to the insurance and started listing off the damages “The radiator is f****d up…. I mean screwed up, sry.” … guess he decided that using four letter words isn’t the best route for his accident report… as he finished the report we walked across the street to a cemetery where we could sit on grass while the hour wait for the tow passed. Our third companion kept telling us that he was covered in stickers and we couldn’t figure out why “I just walked through a lisa frank store and now I’m coverd in stickers…. On a side note, my friend just wrecked his bike” but then we realized that, by stickers, he meant like flower stickers. As we sat in the field Kristi had to point out “ Do you realize we’re just chilling in a cemetery?” to which the dude I don’t know responded “yeah, I know. I finally feel at rest” We couldn’t help our laughter. Finally the tow truck showed up and we headed over to the bikes. The rest of the trip was uneventful as the boys loaded up billy’s bike and we headed home. Needless to say, that wasn’t quite how we planned on the ride ending.

Friday, November 05, 2010

tattoo numero 4?

"What nourishes me, destroys me". - Angelina Jolie
I actually just the the cross but i do like the location.

another one similar to Jolie's but a little smaller and a little more subtle.  I like how bold her's is but i like simple becase i'm not getting them as a statement but more for myself.  I think i still like Jolie's but this one is defently very high on my list of possibilities. 
This was on my list for the first couple tattoos but i always decided that it didn't fit what i was looking for. 

I don't know what the words would be but this is another location that i absolutely love.  It would also be a spot that is still hidden.  The one big concern would be stretching.  This is defently a location that could very easily stretch.    But i think i REALLY love the location and the way it is hidden but yet can be exposed and is still tough and unique but also very hot.

Rihanna has a lot of tattoos that i like and along with her hip, i also really like this one.    But it would still leave me with the decision of what the words would be.

I really don't know that i'm going to get another one too soon, but i am really wanting another tattoo.  I really have to decide on what i need this tattoo to represent and then i will be able to go from there

a real writer.

I wonder if this is how every writer thinks? Every time something funny happens or every time i get mad i automaticly think "i should blog this". Of course, then i forget what it was that i was going to blog. Yesterday, i had at least 3 or 4 different conversations that i said i was going to post about, but now i only remember one. lol.

Speaking of writing, Will Stephens now has a position with the Carbondale paper writing a column every other week. I think that is absolutely lovely. I'm not sure if it was premeditated or an in the moment type thing, but the owners of the paper offered him the spot last night. It's not a real big thing or if he has a certain topic to talk about but i'm sure it will be politics every time.

On that same note. Will is now a jackson county board member. One of his friends, Chris, saw us out last night and informed me: now that i'm the first lady i will be a new fashion icon in Southern IL. First off, i'm not officially the first lady. Second, i would LOVE to be a fashion icon but unfortunately i'm not really an icon yet..... that's my next goal in life.

So moving right along, The one conversation i do remember from yesterday: I REALLY dislike people who are jerks, rude, and homewreckers. There are a lot of people that are great at putting on a pretty face (by pretty i mean they seem nice, not that their face is actually pretty because that's NOT normally true). They do a wonderful job making it seem like they really see where you're coming from, or that they've considered how you're feeling, when they're really just playing you over.   Eventually the act runs up and they're the only ones left believing their lies. That's when it all runs over. There are lots of people that try to play games, most of them fail epicly very quickly. There is one who started out with a good run but even she has epic failed now. Don't try to hold on to your lies, they're over now.   Don't call me with a sweet voice and don't dare send me a single message because you're really full of balonga :)

That last thought actually came in the form a sentence in the middle of a conversation. In other news, it looks like i wont be single for the rest of my life after all :) that's right.... and if that one girl just happens to read this - know that i'm not backing down and neither is he so stop you're interceding for yourself because nothings coming of it.

Back to fashion icons: I did feel like somewhat of a fashion expert when i went to the mall with a friend yesterday. She had a really cute pair of brown boots she just bought and we were shopping for a top. I enjoyed giving her my advice on how to make a black blouse match her brown boots. Maybe i can actually be a fashion icon sooner than planned.... just wait until i have a real occasion to use such an art...
ooooh. speaking of.... that same friend has a friend who is getting married in several months and guess who she wants help from : that's right, me :D That is one thing i am SUPER stoked about. If i help plan one wedding just imagine where things can go from there!

That's the summary of my thought pattern... now if i could straighten out that well when it's going through my brain.

large beauty.

Found these on design spone
I love the uniqueness of these flowers.  I love the way none of the flowers are your typical boquets.   I'm not a fan of pink, but even these have caught my eye.  If i could find them in any other color i would use them in my wedding...... one day.

beautiful antelope.

we said vows. from Jeremy on Vimeo.

I used to want a real wedding.  Now All i want is to stand behind him.  This is absolutely adorable, absolutely priceless.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

ps. cold water.

I haven’t done any real physical activities since june 15th.. Guess I should go to the pool. I just wish it wasn’t so cold :(

beautiful complemient?

So you think I’m beautiful?  Why thank you.  I’m flattered.  However, when I respond with just a “thank you”  don’t get pissy and don’t get upset.  It’s not that I don’t believe you, I simply disagree.  I don’t think I’m ugly, just not attractive enough to merit that description.  What exactly would you like me to respond with?  Would it make you happy if I say I know?  How about if I just get akward and uncomfortable?  What would you like me to say when you complemient me?  I hear that I’m beautiful just about every other day and i feel like I’ve made some progress.   Use to I would tell them I disagree; at least I’ve learned how to take the complemients.  Why would you get so offended?  You’re the one telling me I’m beautiful… is a thank you not enough?  I’m not sure why guys think I’m attractive enough to call me beautiful but I still find it flattering.  It makes me blush and inside I don’t really know what to say.  When you get mad at me for not giving you whatever response it is that you’re looking for, that’s not earning you any brownie points buddy.  Thank you for the complemient, if a “thank you” isn’t enough than your flattery means nothing to me.   I’m glad you think I’m beautiful….. so does half the other guys I meet, it’s nothing new to me.   Maybe you should come back down to earth and realize that I’m really not that beautiful and I’m really not interested.  Leave the complemients at home if you’re expecting me  to respond with more than just a “thank you”

You’re not so handsome anymore.
Good night.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

New goal- i love my

New goal- i love my friends. I want to be a better friend and back them up wen crap goes down.

Boys and their ..... brains?

I'm not one to give the world all the dirty details.... so i wont :)  

However, i will say that boys still drive me crazy, and i don't mean the good kind of crazy.  They actually just annoy the snot out of me.   I like boys a lot, one more particularly than another.  What annoys me is the fact that they can't see that my heart is not exactly available. 
I enjoy going on dates and there is one particular boy that has caught my eye.  What i don't like is boys that call and call and call and then make akward hints that they like me when i'm clearly not taking their advances.   If you've been put in the friend zone there is probably a reason - because i just don't like you like that, and if you try to fight it you just end up annoying and loose the friendship all together.  
I don't have to be friends with you and if you can't understand that than i'm not really interested.  I'd say the majority of guys that i've ever even kind of dated always start as friends and if i decide that i like you than that's my decision.  Don't get mad at me just because i don't like you.  Don't get mad at me when you cross your lines.   I haven't taken your advances this far, what makes you think that complimenting me in a swim suite is going to be accepted?  Don't tell me how hot i am unless you are saying it in a simply friends sort of way because i will find your over - eagerness to see my body as an insult.  I don't really think i'm that attractive, but i know that a lot of guys do and i don't really need another person looking me up like a piece of jucy steak.  

Now if i do find you interesting and attractive enough to go on a date.... don't think that means i want to marry you.  Don't think i'm going to sleep with you just because we went on a date.  Don't think that i'm  want your body just because i want to cuddle.    Don't think that you have a chance at getting my heart just because i gave you a chance for a date.   
I might decide to sleep with you... but probably not,   i don't exactly agree with premarital sex.
I might find you charming and i might come to care about you.... that does NOT mean you have my heart.
So you should probably not get too attached because i'm not attached to you.
You probably shouldn't get to serious because i'm not a serious person.
You should probably gaurd your heart because i'm certainly gaurding mine... oh wait, i lost mine.
I would say that my heart is cold, but it's actually just gone all together.  so if you try to give me yours i just might crumble it so just don't do it.  

You want to go on a date?  sure.  I'll go on a date with you.  Just don't think it means that we're in a relationship because i'm really just not interested in getting to know you that well.   

Maybe one day i'll find my heart or maybe someone will give me a new one, but right now i am heartless and cold and just plain uninterested in anything that involves having a heart unless the person that has mine decides to share it with me : )

so all in all:   I'm tired of boy's advances, especially when they push it too far.  
I'm more interested in something fun and simple because that's all i really have to offer.  

I'm in love with someone else.  I'm sorry. 
I'm interested in someone who's leaving (it keeps things simple)
and really, all i need is myself.

Bee Mo.


I love colored hair : )

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

National geographic live

“If God had a face, what would it look like?” [Sheryl crow, what if god was one of us]

I was ready national geographic today.  I’m not one to sit down and read an informative story… they normally end up really boring about something I care nothing about.  Today was different.  I actually apprietiated what I read.  There was one article that made me see God and apprietiate my own love for art.  The article was adorned with photos of old buildings that had been abandoned and graffittied and overgrown with nature.  The article talked about the life of a building and I actually understood the article for once, but what got me was one of the photos, a photo of graffiitii.  The graffiti said “my heart is missing”   and while the article was about the building, it was the graffiti that actually inspired me.   Graffiti is looked down on but if you take a second to look at the sin you can see a poem so much deeper than words.  This photo captured such an innocent and simple graffiti but when I saw the desperation in the words that painted the unloved and abandoned building I saw something that stirred the emotions in my heart and expressed my own emotionless feeling that has haunted me the past few months.  It’s not that you don’t care, but that you can’t feel to care.  It’s a feeling so helpless that you can’t be or feel helpless.  It’s something caused by lovers or losses and yet the thing that stirred me to inspire was a simple graffiti in such a beautiful building…. A building that had been abandoned and still shone brighter than some of the building that are still being born. 
“ If God had a face, what would it look like?”   He would look like one of us.  With pain in our hearts, Desperation in our eyes, and determination on our mind.  Or he might look like the graffiti on the wall of a beautifully abandoned building.