Saturday, January 25, 2014

About me - in the past 5 years....

I'm not making this my official about me page or anything... but just thinking.

About me:

I've changed a lot every year, for the past 5 years.

I started out sweet and innocent.
I was 20 for my first heartbreak
was 21 when i made out for the first time...
I've been married twice.
Got my first puppy after i lost my first baby.
Got my second puppy with my second husband....
lost my first puppy because of my second husband.....
and now i am moving in with a complete stranger....

i've always been a mix between individualistic and learning from everyone else...but i've never been a follower.

The past two years, i've spent trying to please one person....  but now that that has gone drastically wrong....  i realize that it is because i wasn't being me.

So... the reason for this update.... i'm at a huge turning point in my life.

I'm at the point that thinking is over rated, while i'm way too questioning to give it up.....

give me a month and i think i'll seriously have a real answer to this life turning moment...


Making a move...

Once again, i am moving.  However, i feel very optimistic about it.  I am moving in with a military dude that drives a harley.  

It will not only be good to live with someone that seems cool that i disagree with, but i will have the opportunity to respect someone else's space without the confines spaces.

I am really excited about all of it.

There is no way that i could afford to live on my own, but with this opportunity. i can.

Another point:  I am financially solid enough that i would NEVER back out on an agreement, even if it meant selling everything i have or even myself to keep up with my bills.  However,  for some reason (other than that i can afford this price)  i feel very secure about this agreement (financially).

I know i've already said it... but i am really excited about living with someone that clearly has different thoughts and lifestyle than i do.   I think we'll get along swell : )

Now i'm just rambling, so i'm gonna leave it at that.

Wish me luck

ps.  This is a small space, so i have a design blog or two coming along....

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Hello again life

I have got to regain my personality, my independence, and my identity. 

In the past two years I have drank more than ever put together,  I have stopped going to church, I have quit pursuing the jobs I want and the career life style I love,  my husband doesn't approve of the career I want,  I have lost every single friend ive had, and I can't find joy in life.  

I've spent the past two years basing every choice on my married life,  and it has gotten me no where.  

I'm ready to start making choices based on me.  I miss being happy and I'm done giving up on that.

I can still be happy.  My husband can either support me or fight me,  but putting him as a priority has not made me happy,  so it's time I make myself a priority.  

I  am going to pursue  the  job I want and live the lifestyle I want.  I will not make my friends stand on the side line. 

It's time I remember who I  and what I want.  

Hello again life.