Sunday, April 24, 2011

out door get away.

I'm been searching and searching for a way to update my ghetto yard.  I've got a small little run down house with a desperate need for some yard dress up.   However, everybody seems to forget that yards need just as much (if not more) attention than the house itself.....  Today, I found an awesome entry on Apartment therapy   :   Here

Now i just need more christmas lights and a projector..... and maybe some more mosquito netting....   my back yard is about to be epic..

and did i mention that i got new fencing last week when a storm blew a tree on my old fence...... and my sunflowers are sprouting.  yeay.

Tattoo numero 4 ... or 5?

It's technically number 5 but since one is just a cover they only count as 4.....

Hebrew for God, which is fitting given today is easter:

Monday, April 18, 2011

Poonam non-pandemonium

That's all.....

My friend  Tami says that and for some reason it's got my lips all happy.  I just like the way it means nothing and sounds awesome

a crush on personality.

I had a some what real crush on a boy we are going to name Lewis.  Now Lewis goes to church with me and hangs out with some pretty cool kids.  He loves Jesus, but hangs out like a normal person.

the other day, his neighbors told him i liked him and now i've seen a side of him that i was hoping might not exist.  I'm kind of burned out on the crush.

It is possible that he'll turn out to be the super cool kid i was hoping he is, but i'm guessing that "this kiss" (check out the song)  isn't so romantic at all.  I have a strange feeling that it is just a physical gesture or enjoyment rather than a "hey i like you too".    I have a feeling that the crush was on a kid that i thought had great standards but now that i know he doesn't have great standards i'm not sure if i still have a crush on him.....  I hope i'm just over reading things or reading things wrong because i want him to be the morable person i thought he was.

It's funny how one simple thing can decide if you like someone or not.....  
The guy i want to like is a Jesus lover who isn't up tight or traditional.  I want him to be outgoing and laidback.  I also want him to have the same morals.... morals meaning beliefs.  I don't have anything against drinking or smoking or cussing, but only in moderation.  I think premarital sex is wrong (no judgment, i don't care if anyone else does it)  and i think its on the same level as any other "sexual imorality":  aka. fooling around.  I also think we should be nice to everyone and stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.... that's basicly the summary of my morals in a nutshell.... along with what i want in a guy.

Maybe he'll surprise me, but right now it's not looking to bright.....  my kiss doesn't seem to be anything special to him :(  

..... guess i'll go see what my girl friends are doing,   all i really want are my friends anyway.

speaking of friends:  holiday world.  yay.

Friday, April 15, 2011

im goin 2 plant sunflowers

im goin 2 plant sunflowers &buy a hammock-anyone who doesnt like that can dislike me all they want because im not changin 4 them

open for storage.

The new fad seems to be open storage and glass containers.  I've always been a fan of showing off dishes and filling bottles with pretty food.  However,  my cabinets all have doors and i haven't quite found the solution i want yet.... but i'm not giving up.  I'm in love with open storage and am just enjoyed by the fact that it's now a style of its own :)

burning pain

I can't decide who i dislike more, My ex or his ex.   It's a burning hatred that is far more violent than my personality can contain.

I got a bat today for my own home invasion protection since my little house stands on the edge of a questionable neighborhood,  but now i am starting to wonder if it is so smart for me to have the possession of a weapon that could be used for more than just protection.

I know i need to let it go.  The problem is that "he" wont let me.  I am trying to move on so that i can stop hating because, like i said, hatred is not something my personality sits comfortably with.  Now i have to watch "her" call him baby names and adorn him with her attraction to him as he chases me around and whispers sweet NOTHINGS through texts.
What a whore.  Who does that?  him and her.... i wouldn't pity them if they both suffered god's wrath.

and a song that describes my bitterness perfectly:

"Pray For You" by Jaron and The Long Road to Love:

I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you

What makes this an actual problem is that she is coming back to Carbondale and i can guarantee you that this will not be pretty.... he is trying to "take care of me" and he is trying to , well i don't know what is trying to do for her. I do know that when he takes her to one of his shows and invites me, i kill a bitch. Not really, because i don't keep my gun at my house.... but i guarantee I'll end up fighting.

Miranda Lambert, Crazy ex girl friend:

It took me five bars, some thirty license plates
I saw her mustang and my eyes filled up with rage
I brought my pistol, but I ain't some kind of fool
So I walked right in barehanded, she was on his arm while he was playin' pool
Just like I used to do
She kissed him while I got a beer, well she didn't think I'd show up here
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

I watched her for a while but I didn't like her walk
Came across kinda cheap to me, but hey, how's that my fault
She looked at my man like he didn't have on a stitch
Somebody tell that girl to step up to the plate, i'm gonna pitch
Little bitch
Those pretty girls can play their game
But their damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

Well I started throwin' things and I scared folks half to death
I got up in his face and smelled whiskey on his breath
Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jail
Cause baby to hammer everything looks like a nail
And I was mad as hell
Well those pretty girls their all the same
But their damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I'm just not sure what he thinks he is getting at.   When we were together they talked.... she told me i wasn't the "secret lover".  Excuse me?  duh.  I'm the one with a wedding ring on my finger bitch.  Now that my ring is just a pretty reminder of the vengeance in my heart,  I'm not sure who will play his mistress is in the picture, but i can sure promise you that she'll always just be his whore.

DID my ring burn your finger?

When I gave you my heart
It was not what you wanted
Now the walls say your name
And the pictures are haunted
Does my ring burn your finger
Did my love weigh you down?
Was the promise too much to keep around?

I remember your words and I can't keep from cryin
I could never believe that your kisses were lyin
Was there somethin from the past
Buried in a shallow grave?
Did you think that it was too far gone to save?

Please tell me baby
Please tell me now
You say that I should just go on
Now please tell me how

Now it's just me and the night and I'm so broken hearted
I just wait in the dark here for my dearly departed
Did my ring burn your finger?
Did my love weigh you down?
Was the promise too much to keep around? 

well if it did burn, it wont anymore.

and if she ever does end up with him it will never change what she is:

Home wrecker by Gretchen Willson

Well you're a real hot cookie with your new hair-do 
Your high heel boots and your credit card 
Long legs and a mini skirt 
Yeah You know what works and you work it hard
You smile like such a lady, innocent and sweet
Drive the man folk crazy 
But any girl can see 

You're just a homewrecker
I know what you're doing
You think you're gonna ruin what I've got, but you're not
Yeah you little go getter, I'll teach you a lesson
If you get to messin' with my man, you don't stand a chance
You're just a homewrecker 

I'm sure you've waited for a long long time to find a man like mine
But honey you're too late
So before you go and make your move 
Maybe me and you should get a few things straight
There's two ways we can do this.. I'll let you decide..
You can take it somewhere else or we can take it outside

(Repeat Chorus)

Now honey I'm a christian, but if you keep it up
I'm gonna go to kickin'
Your pretty little butt..
Is that clear enough? 

Thursday, April 07, 2011


Summer is here.  I know we still have another 2 months before official summer and that this is really just spring, but I woke up with a sweat shirt on and it was too warm to continue wearing it  : )  yay.

“You know you call me bitch an awful lot… it’s not exactly a term of endearment.”  - Easy A.

with that said.  I am feeling hyped up…. Shouldn’t have drank that coffee…….. three weeks ago.  But no, I actually just drank some coffee and apearently I did NOT need it today. Ha.  Now I am running a thousand miles a min.  ah.  Ok.  But really….  I am watching easy a for the millionth time and I still love it just as much as the first time…. A) it is an epic absolute and B) Emma Stone might be, with out a doubt, my girl crush.

It’s true.

Summer time here I come:
Things I love about summer:

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Friday, April 01, 2011

BeeMo is watching:


It was good up to the end of last season.  Each episode was good, a few not so good…. But the undergoing problem wasn’t tied together very well throughout the season. 

The bothers are still hot.
Each show is well standing on it’s own.
I like the kid that I’ve been watching it with

I approve.

today is my new year

The past year of my life has been, without a doubt, the hardest I’ve lived.  I was married, he couldn’t take care of me, I got pregnant with his child,  lost my baby, failed at moving away, lost all self respect, got a serious infection. 

I’ve come out of all it a stronger woman…. And I feel that a woman is a good description of what this has made me. 

Now I’ve cut myself from my ex husband, I look forward to having my own family, I’ve gained self respect from my disrespect, and I’ve gotten over my infection.   I have a steady job and a steady side job and I have a crush on a jesus loving, jesus fearing guy. 
I love jesus and I am ready to start believing in him a little more.

Love always,

picking flowers.

I love flowers …. I can’t wait to plant some in my front yard. .   but I also like when I come home to flowers sitting on my door step. 
There was once a time when someone bought me flowers.  At the time I was talking to WTS but we weren’t together.   A guy that I had been hanging out with left them on my mail box and it made me feel beautiful.  

I’m not going to lie, I miss those days.  I used to be sweet and innocent and guys wanted to treat me right.  When I lost my husband and my baby I lost all self respect and went down a road of secular desire.   I’m over that now.  I have seen the world from the world’s eyes and I’ve dealt with the consequences of worldly lust.  Now I am exaughsted of being disgusted by myself and I’m ready to withdraw myself from this city of sin.  I’m not saying that I am going to leave my friends or that I will be the perfect little angle.  I am saying that I’m ready for the respect that I used to demand.  I don’t care what people say about me but I do care what I say about myself.  Sure, I can disrespect myself and participate in adolecent ignorance.  However; I would rather get married and have a real family…. But no guy is going to respect me if I don’t respect myself.  I have lost everything in life but it is true what they say – once you hit bottom the only direction to go is up.  Now I am moving up.  I might never heal from the pain of my experiences, but the reminder of my scars will help keep me on a straight path.  No more unnecessary partying.  No more unrespectable friends.  No more bad decisions. 

I have experienced life, now I am ready to start living it.  I might have more experiences than your average mid-tweenties kid, but I can be real about it.  I know I will never be innocent in the true sense of it again, but I can be sweet and I can be respectable. 

I’ve been who I wanted to be and now I want to be me again.  My name is Bee Mo, I am 22 years old, and while I might not be so innocent I think that only makes me a little wiser.  Welcome to the documents of my day to day experiences, inspirations, and boring old thoughts.

Veronica mars: “ No Gia, Clamydia is not a flower”