Saturday, December 31, 2011

welcome to our world twent.12.

Wow.  Another year over. 
I used to think that a year was such a long time but I’ve learned that
One year will go by quickly ; I MUST act NOW if I want to live the kind of life I've always wanted.
The past year has been full of healing and moving forward.  I’ve defently learned that spontaneity should never be frowned upon.

I’ve made some of the best decisions of my life in 2011 (every one of them being spontanious).  Now I’m looking forward to twent.12

looking back at my 2011 to do list:
Try new drinks (check)
Go skydiving (check check)
Make more cards
Be care free
Design more (look at my new house and you’ll know this is a check)
Practice all the hobbies I’ve taken up and never followed up on (I think I’ll carry this to twenty.12)
Be more selfless (just slightly, but check)
Write more notes ( I would also like to carry this one on)
Stop worring about boys that don’t love me (check x 3 : )  yay to be married.
Do something new every month (not so sure this was EVERY month, but pretty close to)

For the most part I can say my 2011 was successful.  Skydiving would be the one I had the least faith to succeed (I can thank my husband for that check)  and my most successful and healthy achievement would be the boys.  They have been my most painfull experiences in life and while the past year has been full of healing, my husband is the best decision that I’ve made in my life.  and while it might not have been on my to do list, i think i have been MUCH better at blogging this year (not near as much venting, and quite a few more design and inspired posts)

With that I suppose I need to be ready for twenty.12.  

I've had some real difficulty thinking of goals for such a short time period. I almost wish i could have a 5 yr resolution list (student loans paid 1/2 way in 3 yrs.  Then a baby and a house.... )   
after deep concentration: 

#1: I want to keep from last year: practice past hobbies
this wasn't very successful last year, but they're hobbies i don't ever want to forget

#2:  and i want to also keep: write more notes  
this is a long begotten and best way to show someone you care

#3: Know where i'm going but love where i'm at.
obviously i don't have a problem knowing where i'm going, but i have a tendency of getting caught up in where i want to be and forgetting to enjoy where i'm at.  Hey beemo, Let's just relax and have fun, mmmmkay? 

#4:  New years kiss
all of my 23 years and ive still never had one... well this year is a year of moving forward and now that i'm married i expect a new years kiss tonight :)

Monday, December 12, 2011

more like a child

I feel like i haven't let out a vent in a while and right now i am fuming for one....

I am on the hunt for a new church.  The past 5 years i have been in love with my church because of their down to earth sense of the bible and yet pure love of God but they have their flaws and this past sunday, they topped them all.....   They kicked the guy next to me out because his son was being too noisy (i was able to worship just fine with his few noises here and there)

They were fine the entire service and i enjoyed making faces at the kid.  Worship time came around and about 5 min until the end 0f service the kid started getting bored.  He really wasn't that noisy, but just a little.  As the lady in front of us started shooting rude glances at the dad (who looked single and young), my blood started heating but i remained calm.  2 songs from the end, one of the higher up members came over and asked the man to leave due to his son.

I was heated.  When the member came to explain to me, i was so beside myself with grief that the comfort of my husband was all that could hold me together.

There is a story of church that was packed to the brim and a rough, barefoot man walked in.  When he realized there was no seating he walked about half way down the isle and sat down in the floor.   The church was silent, waiting to see what the decons reaction would be.  As the oldest decon in the church began making his way towards the man, you could of heard a pin drop.  Once the decon reached the man, he removed his shoes and sat down next to him and the service resumed.

I am beside myself with the church that i've loved.

The idea that a church so pronounced on spreading love would kick a guy out for simply being too noisy ( did i mention that everyone surounding us were members and therefor should have been understanding) is too much for me to handle.

There have been several small things that have kept pushing me, but this is too much.  I can't handle this.
My gift is compassion and empathy and i just could NOT bear this. ..  I garantee he will not be back, and i garantee i will not be back either.

What tears me apart even more is that this is the church that i have been in love with.

and now it's time to begin shopping.... for a new church.
Wish me luck.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

a guy, a girl, and a house

I've come to realize that it's not a matter of how much stuff you have but how it's stored.
My husband has lived in this one bedroom house for quite some time, now there are two of us and twice the stuff.  we've both gotten rid of quite a bit, but it still just didn't quite fit.  Until now.  between boxes and shelves i've become a believer that you can fit just about anything into quite a small space with the right finagiling... or a lot of organizing per say.  With the right jars and boxes, even clutter can look beautiful.

Friday, December 02, 2011

good morning beautiful cup of coffee

Like most people, i didn't discover coffee until  my college years.  Not that i was some over achiever or even a hard studier, i just didn't like it until then.  I always loved the smell of coffee and about high school i began to like coffee flavored things but it wasn't until i was about 20 years old that i realized that with the right toppings i could even like coffee.... that enjoyment keeps growing.  I doubt i will ever enjoy it black (unless out of desperation) but i do enjoy coffee now.  The different flavors, the different types of brewing, the different creamers or other flavors you can put into it.  I suppose it's like wine or beer or even perfume.  The common person can enjoy it but then you can take it to another level also if you like... and the more you look at it and examine what you're partaking in and the more you variety you try, the more you actually appreciate it.  

I've always been an automatic machine type person until i dated someone with a french press.  Now i'm married to a man with a perculator.....   and just used it for the first time. (yay for me.) Just tell me what kind you'd fancy and ill brew you up a cup :) 

I like mine with 2 splashes of creamer.  3 if it's a big cup.

Point of story:  i really love my coffee.  

Thursday, December 01, 2011

happily ever after

No relationship is ever perfect and flawless, but no matter where my mirrage goes, it will be happily ever after.

I look back to when i met my husband and i was inlove with my first heartbreak. 
I look back to when we first dated and i know how blind i was to the world.
I look back to a year ago and i was just getting over my second heart break.

I look back to a week ago and i thank God that Flordia didn't work out for me. 
I thank God that i my ex broke my heart.
I thank God for unanswered prayers..
.... it's like my sister said once back in high school "don't make plans for your future because the plans God has might be way better than we could ever imagine planning for ourselves. 

If i had gotten married when i wanted to or to who i thought i was supposed to marry i don't think i would have ever been as happy as i am no and i, with out a doubt, wouldn't have appreitiated it as much as i do now that i've seen the pain of the world. 

My Husband and i will one day fight over something and having children is going to be more trying than our puppy, CHarli, but it will be worth it.  

This is my happily ever after. 

These are my boys and i would go to the ends of the earth just to put a fool in their place for them. 
This is my family and i love it just the way we are :)

perfume de my bed room.

It wasn't long ago that i mentioned the slight increase of interest in fragrance by the fashion industry.  Maybe i just slipped over it in the past or maybe there really is a rise in appeal.  
As the first article (one about perfume and France women, written by a lady in GLAMOUR) caught my eye, i began to realize how feminine fragrance really is... and not the chauvinist kind but the strong and independent kind of feminine.   Think about your grandma's vanity or the old black and white movies and this is what you picture:

note the bottles and bottles of fragrances?  

Now i can't help but be pulled into the allure or seduction and definition. 
I went on a hunt for my sent which turned out to be Reb'l Fleur by Barbadian singer Rihanna for now.  Of course as we age the definition of who we are changes and i am looking forward to the change of my sent as part of that adventure.  

What i couldn't let go of once i decided on a perfume is the excitment of every sample despite my own smell.   
Now, my collection will never look like this:

A) Because there is nothing classy or elegant about this picture.  B) Because I do know that i would be able to decide on a sent every morning.  C) I'm not even sure i would be able to remember which is what. 

However, as my collection grows it has gone from one bottle to something more like what i would actually see on my grandmother's vanity:

To support my new leisure pursuit:  My sister.  Maybe not my biological sister (i haven't heard from her since she moved to ohio some time ago) but my sister in law (yeah, she's pretty awesome)  At one point i was concerned that maybe she thought i smelt bad due to her input into my vanity collection.  What really impresses me is her ability to pick out a good sent.  I don't know if she just has excellent opinion or if she's really good at pegging my own opinion but the smells that she has gifted to me have all been delectable.   

Now i have my signiture sent and smells for every day that i feel like changing things up.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

25 days til christmas

In my last post i mentioned in passing holiday decor... on my christmas decor list:


While i will probably still not have a tree (My house is tiny) or lights ( which are quite a hassle)  The one holiday decor i just can't turn down is mistletoe.  
Now that i'm married, i would love to decorate for christmas but i don't have the time, the space, or the budget for much decor....   
But that good ol' mistletoe is timeless.  

(and perhaps a stocking sock too)

My next diy

I've always loved wine and enjoying having a collection of different vinoes in my possesion.  I worked a wine tasting a while back and came out of it with a couple cases of wine.  Now the storage (which i've always thought beautiful decor) is more of a neccessity and myself, being the do-it-yourselfer that i am, is now on a mission to make my own.

On top of the fact that storage is a neccessity, something about the holidays seems to make wine seem even more appealing than normal.  As if with the reefs and lights, wine racks should also be un boxed (this is just a feeling, as we all know that my racks will be out all year round)

wish me luck, i'm breaking out the pvc pipe and heating ducks :)

Monday, November 28, 2011

To much gobbling

I hope everyone ate enough food this weekend.   ahahahaha....  my in laws came down and went with us to my family's :)    oh it was a good time.  Fri we went to the wine trail (only made it to one winery though)  It was a grand time.   Being my holiday as a married woman i loved it.  Went home with a food baby named julio.  The highlight (other than being with my husband) would have to be hanging with the in-laws.  I know this is a pretty broad high light but i just can't help it.  My mother in law is a better mother than my own and my sister in law is a better sister than my own....   i love it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

ugly collars.

I don't know who's idea it was to bring in collars but i hate it! ug.  Gross. 

But on a happier note:  I do love:

vintage and modern together (in perfect harmony!)   What bliss is brick walls and vintage hard wood mixed with an elegant chandelier or high waisted jeans in the modern buissness world :)  yay for mixing different collection.  


Have i ever mentioned that i'm in love with bird cages?  i'm pretty sure i have ( and boy am i still)  credit to Tim Van de Velde for this one.

On another note:  I love these mosquito nets and still hold on to the one i bought in H.S.  but don't know what to do with it.... i love this photo (found it while parrusing here), it inspires me to use mine again. 

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Im striking stupidity.

SIUC teachers are striking... that's fine, i think they should stand up for their rights (even if they're a little exagerated)  but that is not the point.  .... here's what is getting under my skin:  The newspaper this morning, both front page stories where on this strike, along with every other story in the paper (with the exception of the swim team article on the back page)  

While the teachers are picketing i'm doing my own strike.  I'm watching what is on tv, which is a talk show right now.  ... the topic:   over wore subjects.   1) internet slurs....   my opinion:  get over it.  There are all kinds of sites that you can vent on.  If there aren't sites such as the one they're talking about (one made just to vent about people who have cheated others)  then there is email, facebook, twitter, myspace.....   hard copies such as bulletin boards and word of mouth.     People who think things like facebook or even vent specific sites promote bad mouthing and slander  are, in my book, mistaken...  i could bad mouth anyone i want just by talking about them behind their backs or hunting down their significant other to spread gossip....   i just avoid mixing with dramatic people and internet slander and been eluded     2) well i already forgot the second topic,   they're already past it and it was clearly even more or less entertaining than topic numero 1.    This dude is rediculus.  (however that is spelt.)    who gives a crap...  It kind of reminded me of my ex (you all know who i am talking about)  I didnt deal with dramatic before, but after than dude i learned straight out how important it is to not EVEN put up with other people's problems.     so that's my picket for the day.... i'm striking stupidity.

over and out... i'm off to drink tea and meet my husband at the door (one man that is not dramatic and does simply rock my life :)

Monday, November 07, 2011

1 week as Mrs. Clarke.

Im loving it..   Absolutely.    Granet, one week really isn't that long, but we have basicly everything moved into his place and almost settled in.   I still need a subleaser for my place in cdale but that is just a minor detail.

We got the invitations for the party today and i can't wait to start passing them out :) yay.

Married life = wonderful (of course!).

ps.    got my first bubble bath this week.  lol.   it made me laugh more than anything because there were bubbbles EVERYWHERE!

100000 things to do before i die.

1. fly*
2. help deliver a baby
3. get a manicure*
4. go to prom*
5. befriend some one i dislike*
6. stand on top a mountain*
7. try a new food*
8. visit a foriegn country*
9. be in two places at once*
10. Break a world record*
11. drive a car*
12. learn what love is*
13. go to disney world*
14. spend the night under the stars*
15. play football in an NFL stadium
16. go skydiving*
17. be the only person for miles
18. tell someone about God for the first time*
19. play the electric guitar*
20. go on a date*
21. new years kiss
22. bench 130*
23. sing in the shower*
24. love [fall in love]****
25. break state bench record*
26. go surfing*
27. read every book in the bible
28. buy an exotic pet*
29. bench 200 pounds*
30. visit every us state [ 28/50](i decided that this is kind of boring i can't even keep track.)
31. ride a boat across the ocean
32. visit all 7 wonders of the world [] [1/7]
33. dance in the rain
34. break the world bench record*
35. Learn to skateboard*
36. Change the world
37. Learn to ride a motor bike.*
38. Visit every continent [4/7]
39. ollie, ollie *
40. Defiy the odds
41. triathalon*
42. ride a feris wheel*
43. Cow tipping
44. scare a fainting goat
45. touch the statue of liberty
46. Hitch hike
47. Crowd surfing
48. skinny dipping*
49. Keg stand*
50. body shot
51. kiss in the rain*
52. learn to sail
53. free fall
54. advanced cuddling in the wide outdoors
55. ride bare back (and not fall off)
56. surf
57. raise a baby
58. go to a circus
59. breath fire
60. own a VW (bug or van)
61. go to a ball
62. Go to a geek convention

* achieved

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Charli charli charli

ust a little over 6 months, Charli has hit adolesence.  but i still love him..... 

a memory remains

There are tribute videos and pages popping up everywhere for Ryan Jones. Photos are being posted and reposted. My heart aches for Essay and Spaz more than i can even feel myself.
 The story of Ryan: geeks are sexy
a great video: you tube

Fairy tale

My husband (ooh i love saying that over and over again)  has a camera which makes me very happy since my last one vanished into the sunset somewhere...... now i'm off to taking pictures again.  I'm even more excited because his little pocket sized digital camera actually seems to have amazing capabilities.  *smile big*  ps. The house in the background is my house, at least until i can get it subleased (now that i'm MARRIED and living with my HUSBAND.  yay)

and on that not so same note:  I love mushrooms, they remind me of fairy tales (which i am living in right now)

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Now introducing.

We couldn't wait until january so we went to the court house yesterday :)  Yay.   Call me Clarke becuase that's now my name.   

We're still having a reception party in January and i'm still stoked about it, but i'm more excited that i didn't have to wait until January to sign the papers. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

First kiss

Last night, it was achieved.... and just as i would have had it : )

... have i mentioned that i'm in love with this boy?  I mean head over heels in love....
The kind of love that would make jesus very happy.  

-beemo.  aka.  Mrs Clarke (oooh i love the way that sounds.

To my friends

Invitations by Jonathan Clark

Check out more at our website

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


So many things i still want to do in my life:

learn to sail
free fall
advanced cuddling in the wide outdoors
ride bare back (and not fall off)
raise a baby
go to a circus
breath fire
own a VW (bug or van)
go to a ball
Go to a geek convention

... note to self, add these to my 1000000 things to do list.

The world has stopped spinning

or at least it feels like it.  I have some friends that i see every day and some that i dont see very often at all but sometimes the later of those two are even better than the ones i see the most......   Right now, i feel like the entire world should know what has happened this morning.  How can anyone go on about their day like nothing has happened?  When a friend is lost, it feels like the world has lost the most important thing... the thing that makes it go around.  and the pain is an emptyness more than anything.  It's not like saying goodbye and It's different than heartbreak.  All of the memories are still there and always will be, but there is a part of those memories that is ripped out along with the friend that helped make them

I guess some people live life as a dead man, but at least our friend died with a life full of living.

Feb 22, 2007 I had a friend die... even to this day it seems sureal and it is still a date burnt into my head.   Ryan is even better a friend than him and i have no doubt that today is a date that will burn hotter than 9/11.

Oct. 19th, 2011.  Today's date, and a date i'll never be able to wash away.

The world is spinning, but i can't feel it.

The doctor.

Ryan Jones = awesome.  

I never had the talent to play violin like he did, he rocked it.  I also never had the general creativity that him (and his girl, Essay or his boy, Spaz) did.  He sure inspired.  They once told me that you shouldn't need halloween or any holiday in order to dress up or just dress silly.... i loved that.   Now halloween is here, i feel like i should dress for him....  and if i can come up with something i will nix emma stone in a second.

But like i said on FB, i'm sure Ryan just took his tardis and his regenerated body and is on another world, saving the galaxy.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I'm sure it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a blog just for all my wedding venting, but i don't want to forget about loft-apt.....    so here it is.

Steven and i have most of our planning done, but there are still small details left....
such as the programs.   We're not printing programs due to the hassle and the budget (we want to keep things fun and simple)  
but there are lots of good ideas for programs that don't involve a whole lot of planning...
i like the idea of having one large program (like these chalkboards or the flyer from "" :

charli's attire

I'm hunting for Charli a suit : )

.... now on the hunt for cute postcard stamps.

wedding website: check   check it.

and to rsvp:

Sunday, October 09, 2011

free falling

I might not have free fell this weekend, but i did climb out of the plane, hold on to the wing for dear life and then let go.....   Skydiving:  check.  

And now i'm addicted.   The first jump was sloppy, the second jump was beautiful.   Now i can continue to get my licence (only 23 jumps left :))

Friday, October 07, 2011

man of my dreams

He bought me a converter for my faucet after reading my post about out door spigots : )   he is the man of my dreams…. Literally sometimes.  When he’s not in my dreams I wake up wishing he was there to comfort me from what was in my dreams. 
I was telling him yesterday that it’s funny how different our love is from everything else that I’ve experienced in life…. Because my love for him began from the respect I have for him and when he shows me he loves me I actually feel like he would stand up for me despite ANYONE ELSE. 
I know one day soon I will get to paint his walls and upholster his couch, but what makes it amazing is knowing that when I get frusterated with what ever project I’m working on he will be beside me helping.   I can’t wait to have him with me forever and always.  I know that I haven’t posted much lately and when I have it’s been more with personal life than  the inspiration that I prefer to talk about. ..   Over the next few months I’m sure I’ll have a TON of inspiration to talk about (wedding planning is well on its way)  and in 4 months or so I will have a different house to begin working on : ) yay for blank canvas.  And with my baby Charli I also have the task of making every project puppy proof….   But I guess that is probably killing two birds with one stone since I hope to be having babies eventually (which will add more projects)  yay for a future full of inspiration and decorations.  
…. the first project will probably be a co ed bed room : )  That is one thing I’ve never really had to conquor.  I’ve worked on a boys room before, but it wasn’t my room too.  STOKED.  Future, here I come.   

Keep checking back, the next few months will be wedding inspiration which might poor over into daily life more than some would expect ( paper table cloths and crayons for center pieces.  Casual dress required hehehe ) 

octoberfest as a word

Since when has “octoberfest” been a word?  When I first saw it as a seasonal beer I didn’t think anything because I though they were being creative but now mernards is using it in their seasonal ad “octoberfest sale”??  Guess its unofficially a word now : ) yay for new words.  

Saturday, October 01, 2011

summary of the rest of my life

I look back on the past five years and i feel like those 5 years have had more life than the rest of my life put together.   From my first heartbreak, the bear, to being engaged to a politian, wts, to losing and finding and loving God.   But after all of those rollercoasters i have finally come to the rest of my life.  His name is steve clarke.  I've talked about him before, we dated back mid 2008.  I was so torn up still from my first heart break that i had to walk away.  But they say that if you let your love walk away and they dont come back that they never really loved you and if they do come back they really did love you.... I didn't do it on purpose but he's been the only man (other than my father) that i ever really respected with even my heart.  He's the breeze to my sail.  The thump to my heart.  and i ended up back with him again, expecting to simply be his friend but hoping that the feelings in my heart were still mutual.  Turns out they were.  Now i'm beyond stoked to be his wife.  4 months and counting.  The rest of my life has begun and i can't wait.  with my moms wedding dress altered and the bridal party attire decided, the plans are well set.  They say some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.... true story.   The pain i've gone through is well worth the joy That God is sending my way :)

I know there will be fights and disagreements and rough times.  I know there will be days that i regret saying i do.   I'm looking forward to all of it.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Magnificiant obsession

I hope to loose myself for good. I hope to find it in the end… not in me, in you. – Switchfoot.
I want to find myself in God.  I also want to find myself in my soon to be husband.  I know what it means to throw myself away.  What I want is no longer myself or my own life…   I want a life, with my husband, in God.  I want an identity so deeply imbedded in him that there is nothing else to define me. 
I’ve also never truly understood what it meant to be completely devoted to a man.  Even when I was engaged before, when I had given everything I knew or could manage, I didn’t understood how to give even what I don’t know and even what I can’t live without.  The respect that has seeded the love I now know, it is deeper than any lust or emotional love or, more important than that, it is deeper than any godless love.  

Thursday, September 15, 2011

officially happening.

The plans are made.  the date is set.  I'm talking about that ring, not the pen :)  check it. our wedding website

just saying, i might possibly be stoked....

Thursday, September 01, 2011

flying high

Defently went flying this week.  By flying i mean actually flying.... in the sky. in a plane.  My trusty pilot, steve,  showed me how a plane stalls and then started it back up to save us from a looming doom : )  It was awesome.  I mean like super awesome.  It was the kind of awesome that made me look at who had taken me on the adventure and remember that that person is just as cool as the flight.  I might never want to go on a roller coaster ride ever again now.   Just saying, it was pretty epic amazing.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

out door spigot what?

i don't have an out door spigot and the frusteration of this has finally gotten to me. i'm on a hunt.  They make an adaptor to that a garden hose will fit a kitchen sink.... everywhere i've been has looked at me silly when i tell them what i'm looking for.  I'm going to succeed.  that is my mission.  I want to powerhose my house and fill up a baby pool and water my plants and wassh my car.... ect ect ect.
wish me luck

Friday, August 19, 2011

sunday divorce

in church sundy they talked about divorce.  And mirage.  And the vows exchanged during mirage.  They talked about how there is a vow between the husband and wife and a vow between God and them.  Now, when I was married there were never any papers signed.  However, he promised to never leave me and I knew I would never leave him and we prayed to God on that same topic.  When we were married he called me his wife (he chose those words and that promise to me) and After we separated a lady asked him where his wife was…. He sent me a text telling me about it.  I don’t know how he sees it now, but we were married in heart and soul… even when I conceived.  Biblicly and emotionally we were united.  When I walked away, it was because I was hurt but it wasn’t until I realized his heart wasn’t souly mine that I was able to cut our promise because he had already tourn it apart.  And even then it was only with God’s grace and my dad’s wisdom that I had the courage to what everyone else calls divorce.  Now, some people don’t understand the commitment of mirage and the unity that it creates.   I will never doubt it in the slightest because When two hearts become one it’s like mixing water and flour…. You can never again separate the two.  Even in divorce there are always chunks that you will never regain and scars that will never go away. 

Despite those pains, I don’t regret it.  God hates divorce, this I know.   I also know that he doesn’t forbid divorce due to adultery or if the other spouse walks away.  As much as God hates divorce and as much as that seperation hurts, I know that I learned lessons I couldn’t have learned any other way.  Those scars may never disappear, but they will fade and with out the divorce, I would have never found God again.  I would have never had a second chance at a healthy relationship or the loyalty that every married person deserves. 

I recently dated a guy.  It didn’t last very long but it felt good to have feelings again.  I’ve dated other guys since I became single but I could never feel anything no matter how badly I wanted to and I felt refreshed to have a genuine crush again and when I realized it wasn’t going to work I was glad to feel a little hurt.  It wasn’t heart renching or anything like that and I most certainly couldn’t say it was anything serious by any means, but I could FEEL! And I loved that. 

Real love is a funny thing and the pain that comes with heartbreak can defently be life threatening.  But there are multiple people that have been in critical care and came out of it just fine….

And now that I’ve survived and healed I know that it is possible to love again and even more important than that …. To be happy again.

I can’t say I’ve forgotten the pain and I can’t even say I’ve fully forgiven him or his ex to the extent that God would like, but I can say that I’ve moved on and I’m finally happy again and I can finally feel again.  I have more work when it comes to forgiving like Jesus because I still have a stirring dislike for him and I still want to punch her in the baby maker but at least I can live without thinking about them and I can smile for no reason again and I can genuinely hope that they work things out (mainly because they’re perfect together)  and now I can live.

Divorce sucks…..  that doesn’t mean that life after it has to : )

So lets live and love and go swimming for no reason. 

smooth legs

I’ve discovered the power of nice razors

Thursday, July 28, 2011


It's official, Charli is the only man i need.  Loml.  He's getting nuetered today :(  so i had to leave him at the vet and i'm kind of sad about that but at least it will be over with.  He's also getting his rabbies today which will finish off his puppy shots.  I'm so happy with the decision to get him.  He's officially my family.  

Love always.

size 4

Got new gauges yesterday.... 4g.  I'm pretty excited about my diamonds :) 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

punch 102

I have an update on getting punched.  Offericer Mathis came by yesterday to inform me that they had a line up for me.  I went in and half of them were too skinny.  Two of them were similar…. One uncanningly similar, but not familar enough for me to id.   So unless I see the guy on the street the case is suspended.  I will so that I was very grateful that the officers actually proceeded with the case and actually put effort forth. 

Monday, July 04, 2011

Pretty lights

And the best thing about july 4th.... other than the hot dogs, funnel cakes, and warm whether.......  sparklers.

Independence day

I wish they had indepence day fairs like they used to.... i guess they stilll do, i probably am just missing out.    That's what i'm looking for next year.....

until them, happy independence day. .

looking up.

I've made friends and lost friends.  I've done dumb stuff and i've learned lots of lessons.  Life (and the people in it) will probably never cease to amaze me....    I grew up in a good home with a passionate personality.  I hit my rock bottom and now i'm moving up.

It was about this time two years ago that Willy T and i first started talking seriously about getting married.
It was about this time last year that i was solidly pregnant.  
It is about this time this year that i know what i want in life.

I have a job that i like.  I know who my friends are and i have real people to back me up.  

... so the inspiration of this post:   Funny people.  It wasn't that long ago that i told willy T to back off because we werent together anymore.... i started dating someone and he was there to back me up....  That was several weeks ago and Willy T didn't respond kindly to it.  Yesterday, my not so beloved ex texted me, once again, to remind me that we had great times together. . . . this morning, his ex posted on this blog that she thinks i'm a psychopath (apearently she doesn't understand the true meaning of marriage.....  an agreement that both Willy T had made and a promise he broke, but it's ok because a whore wouldn't understand that commitment).   I just think it's funny that i gave them both the good byes and got him "off my back" and that they would both respond to me on the same day with quite opposite responses.   It makes me laugh at how perfect they are together....  both double faced liars.

but it's ok because, while this would have disgruntled me several months ago, i have no reason to care what either of them think or what game they are playing because i'm really not interested in them, i find it even funnier that she still sees me as a competition even though i CLEARLY have no interest in either of them or their lives.

I have my life, and i don't really care what her opinion is... or his for that matter.   They can love me or hate me,  i have my life in order and i plan on keeping it that way.  My focus is now on a brighter hope, a hope that i call jesus, and that is why i have no interest in their lives.

Good bye past, i'm looking forward.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

creativity boost

I’ve about maxed out what I can do with my house unless I want to start putting some real money into it…. So it’s time to start getting creative.  I’m starting to get bored with it.  I cant paint the walls, there are gaps between the floors and the walls and I’ve already rearranged as many options there are.  Now I need some inspiration.   Maybe I’ll mount my tv…  I don’t know how hard something like that is but I think It would do a but load for my house.  
On the positive note:  my yard looks better, it is still nothing breath taking but it is better…. I think my porch needs some lattice work, maybe that would do something for it.  . 
I think im just burned out on inspiration right now and I need something to spark my creativity.  
Maybe I’ll just do some spring cleaning and declutter….. that is normally enough to get me going, but right now my storage availability is retarded….  The closets in my house are oddly shaped and oddly placed.  There is open space in places that are viewable but yet not really useable and there is wasted space such as by the water heater and the gas heat…  I wish I could just tear down all the walls and call it a party.   

I also have several other problems… like my stained sink that wont even be dented by bleach or my lopsided shower that wont drain all the way…  I’ve got so many little problems that need fixing…..   but I’m about to concquore all of them.  Nothing I few boards and nails wont fix : )  hopefully….  

Terrible twos

Charli is hitting the terrible twos…. And I really have no idea what I’m doing.   I think I’m going to just go ahead and send him to obedience school…. I’m really looking forward to knowing what to do.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

It's time to update

I'm rewriting my about me page but thought i'd keep the old one around:

Here's the low down:

I am random. That's pretty much the summary of my life.  Sometimes i think too much. I can be whoever i want to be when ever that is who i want to be. I can be that girl to take home to mom or i can be a little bit crazy. Sometimes i really understand just who i am and sometimes i have no idea where this world is taking me.
A lot of people don't know what to make of me but i don't really care and my friends don't really care either.
I'm one of those girls that you look at and then look again.  Sometimes i dress like everyone else, sometimes i wear too many layers. I ride a motorcycle but i don't really ever dress for the ride. I'm pretty much always with someone, but i'm actually quite the loner.
I'm pretty random and most people don't expect anything i say or do, but after a while they stop being surprised. I don't really care... i pretty much let myself be who i really want to be and forget about the rest of the world.

I'm a pretty boring person but there are a few details to me:

common interests:
ice cream
peanut butter
making drinks (and drinking them)
gatherings of water (including rain)
warm whether
The wind in my hair
design/expression of any form
swimming (in the competitive form)
making friends
good movies

people who really rock my world:
Miri Ben-ari
Angelina Jolie
Dale Moore
Sandor Paul
Jacqui Brancheck
Mahatma Gandhi
Mr. Marty Manfredo
Mr. Dempsey Elders
Emma stone
my face book wife, Hot stew.

Very Low on my list:
The color pink
Screaming, hard rock music
PDA (the sloppy make out, get a room kind)
Disrespectful guys
Cold rain

So i don't really have any goals. I do, but i don't hold to them because id rather go with the flow of life than to tie myself down to my own personal interests.
This is pretty much the summary of my life, but don't hold me to it.

check out my first post to this blog (introduction to my life):  Here


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Ill kill a man

If you read my about me tab (5'5'' 130lbs)  You'll see that i dislike disrespectful guys...  I wont take crap from anyone and i don't care if i have to take a punch to the face i will still stand up for myself....   and last night - that happened.  Some guy was talking way too dirty and when i confronted him about it i got a right hook.....   but me and my big ego wasn't smart enough to walk away, i stood up and told him he was a piece of dirt.  Guess the second hit was too much because i don't remember it or the following several minutes..  But the thing is, i would do it again.  I would take it for the respect i deserve.  I will not let anyone talk to me like that.  not anyone.  I am a woman and if you wont treat me like one i will have you know that i am a woman.   I just hate crappy guys. and guys that think it's ok to be crappy.

So to guys that hit girls:  you suck

and if it hadn't knocked me out i wouldn't have let him walk away freely.... i'm, sure the cops that showed up wouldn't have either.

punch to the face

So michaela called and asked me to come give her a ride.... i show up and some guy starts talking dirty..... he didn't like me standing up for myself and now the rest is history.  Punch to the face:  10 points for him   knock out to the face:  100 points for him.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I hope they serve beer in hell

I’m presently reading a book called “I hope they serve beer in hell”.  With that said I will put the disclaimer out there that this is in no way, form, or fashion a moral or well decided story. 

With that said, I was discussing said book with a friend that we’ll call Thomas L durby.  We were talking about how disgusting and repulsive some of the stories are… such as one which contained too much vomit, crap, and lube… I’m not sure how that progressed our conversation but I ended up asking Thomas if lube taste good… which I should have been able to figure out since it comes in flavors but was too niave to really think of that.  With that question he told me of his experience with lube.  It was a drunken morning that he decided to make pancakes only discover his lack of syrup and procceded to find a bottle of strawberry lube and cover his pancakes…. Just picture a somewhat large lumberjack looking dude standing by a trashcan in the back yard and holding a bottle of strawberry lube upside down over his morning breakfast….. seems a little unappetizing to me to be honest and I might have wondered what he was actually planning on with those pancakes… but defently reminds me of something out of that book…   good luck with that lube Thomas…. I don’t think that’s what it’s made for.   I’m not sure how bodies digest that or if it was actually made to intake in that form…  but good luck.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Mascato wine… the new in thing

I guess some of the Italian wines we import have included mascato for some time and wineries like sutter home and barefoot were some of the first to catch on but now there are entire sections of mascato wine… I guess it would be because they are sweet…  by sweet I mean boons farm sweet… I just picked up two more to try one from ____ and the other called chill out… some generic brand I’ve never heard of.   While some mascato turns out surgary and others smoother, I’m excited to come across one that taste a little less sweet because there is always bound to be one out there somewhere….   I’ll let you know how these two turn out.  . happy mascatoing…   


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Twitter twitter twitter everywhere

Beemoawesome  feel free to cheeck it out cause i am sometimes really random...  only use it as a notebook for myself so i can remember music i want to buy or quotes i just wanna remember..... but sometimes it turns out really super funny.. check it.

coat hangar

I feel like i have enough abandonded drawers laying around my house that this would be a wonderful project...   (from design sponge)

heart you.

Follow your heart but take your brain with you.

a cute lil title. shoutout

While i don't like title of any sort.. in religion, relationships or anything else, i do adore good blog titles.... and here is an abosolutely too cute title.......  hello giggles.  and i love her layout too... its a clean but origional and still fun set up on her blog.

meet Charlie

7 weeks this past weekend... im beyond excited to have my own boy.  

Charlie likes:
other boys.
eating rocks
pooping in the bathroom floor.
baloon animals
running in circles

Charlie dislikes:
animal taxis
big dogs
sitting still for more than just a nap
being alone.

my birthday was 2 days ago, on monday, and i consider charlie my birthday present to myslef.... and my parental units got me a gift card to help pay for schooling in a couple months when he's old enough : )   yay.....    He gets along SUPER well with my neighbors dogs  and petco has free puppy playdates that i can start taking him to.... i tried last week but he's way too small for some of those dogs..  i'm hoping that  he is socialized enough that he can get along with them a little better this week....    yay. i'm so happy.  

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

goodbye divorce.

I would like to announce that i finally feel like i'm actually living since the i left that man. I finally feel like i can love jesus again, like i can do what i really want and like i can make my own life once again.

I still want to hack that girl in the face... after all, she's still a home wrecker.... but it's not because of the pain i bear but because of the pain i had.

Thank God for his love because he still loves me. :)

just saying... i finally feel like i'm actually moving forward. i can the ppl that will screw me over because i still have God sticking by my side and i can finally remember what it's like to love him again.

Monday, June 13, 2011


... except today is my birthday... my 23rd to be exact :)