Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Epic fact

My lust right now is hammocks. Summer is coming around and I’m inlove with the warm whether… It actually makes me excited about moving to FL.

I live on the corner of two some-what busy streets and I have a front, screened in, porch with a hammock on it – it makes me love life.

Speaking of things that are awesome – I’ve been hanging out with my old environmental tech teacher from John A.
Since I know that he sometimes reads my blogs I will probably just leave it at that.
PS. Speaking of boys: I really like steak N shake and I’ve not been since Will so I’m craving it right now….

Also : I’ve been working on my abs a little bit more since I have so much more free time lately. Check it out, I’m actually kind of excited about them.

So I know that I’ve dropped about 5 things down just now and NONE of them were anything exciting or meaningful, but I know that it seems like I haven’t logged any memories in FOREVER so I thought I’d drop a word while I was thinking about it…..
Speaking of meaningful things- I think I’m gonna start working on my book again. I want to make so chapters that are more experience based and so that are experimental based and I want to add more scientific facts into the old chapters….

And moving on with the experimental comment 0 I experimented a couple weekends ago at the Memphis tournament with rugby…. Thankyou pirate for your assistance : ]
And that Memphis tournament was Epic fact. Memphis throws a prom rugby every year = we all play in dresses and the social is set up as a prom dance. It’s actually a LOT of fun. And pirate was the only experimental gain that weekend… I also went swimming. (no extended story is needed here) … and I also joined the races, not at steak n shake (but it was defently talked about. )

My life in a candlestick

I look back on my life the past 21 years and it amazes me all the different lifestyles I’ve led.

Over all of them I still love Jesus. I wish I loved him a little more. I really pray his ravage my life, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen within the next year.
I’ve already blogged about the way I grew up…. It’s kind of funny cause I work at a liquor store now and they are always like “you’ve NEVER done that” and “Your first make out was just a year ago” what! … I grew up in a good family and in a good town. I was the “rebel” that everyone thought would end up ruined before 10 grade… but all the way through highschool and up through my soph year of college I NEVER did anything I wasn’t supposed to. I mean, I broke all the social regulation, but I didn’t drink or cuss or do drugs or drive too fast or have sex (or even make out for that matter). The most horrid thing I had done was hang out in my math teachers class during science or tell my pe teacher that I hated running and disagree with his theory.

When I first lost my innocence (and I’m not talking about the V card) I lost it for a good reason – I wanted to know everything about the world so that I could relate and understand. That’s always been my goal in life. I’m not going to judge someone when I’ve never been where they’re at…. And that’s really where everything went crazy. I asked God to give me temptation. I know that sounds funny, but I was tired of being able to say no to everything. I was tired of looking at myself and having a good reason to be self righteous . I wanted to understand what people ment when they said they “needed” god or that they were so unworthy….. my only problem was that God actually listened to that prayer. He gave me an undying desire to know the world. I tasted my first acholic beverage (outside of an African beer) when I was 20 and then not long after that I made out for the first. . . Unofficial st pattricks day 2009 I went to steak N shake and got plastered.

I like to think that I still love Jesus, but with the lifestyle that I’ve taken on in the past year I’m not so sure that my actions mirror that feeling. I want to be a moral person, but I’m tire of trying for the other christian’s acceptance. I’m tire of being the one that is so different because I have too many piercings and blue hair and secular friends. I’m tired of them trying to use the “god told me” line to get me to do what they want. I love Jesus and everything he’s done for me, but I’m tired of being rejected for who I am.

So anyway… back to my life story. Wait, I really don’t have an ending to this story. I guess my point is that I know that I’m different than everyone else, but I’m having trouble balancing who I want to be and who I want to be for God and being accepted by the rest of the world (not socially, just personally…. Cause you can’t be a witness if people don’t want to hear what you have to say)
And speaking of them listening: I’ve had several REALLY good conversations in the past month with people about life in general (the conversations where they actually WANT to hear what I have to say)…. And sure, it normally involved drinking before, but you’d be surprised how serious people can get after drinking…
but anyway… that was a long blog about about pretty much no point…
just realized that I was having serious blog withdraws.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

White russians and mudslides

I think the next girls night calls for white russians and mudslides: White russians - 1 oz coffee liquor, vodka, cream Mudslides - 1 oz coffee liquor, vodka, cream, irish cream *the only difference between the two is the irish cream I think it's so funny how you can have two different drinks that are almost EXACTLY the same... and if you have a blender and real cream you can't really even taste the difference. I think i'm going to call a girl's night real soon too, cause i REALLY need some time to be girly and vent about things that don't matter and get dressed up for absolutely NO reason : )

Valentine's day

They say that if you ever find a woman that is too good for you  - -  MARRY HER.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Youtube sponsorship

Today, i checked my email for the first time in a week and my inbox was overflowing.   but there was one message from youtube that stood out for some reason....  I always try to make videos and while they're never as good as the ppl as the top of the charts, i still enjoy making them.   ....
I'm gonna skip the story and get right to the exciting news:  One of my videos has become popular and youtube has offered to let me join their revenue partnership program where they put ads next to your video and you make money from them.   
I'm not really sure how the video become big, it's the most boring video i've ever made (just a scrap book of thanksgiving two years ago.)   but either way, i'm really excited.   It makes me feel like i might actually have a chance to make better videos popular.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Love songs lyrics and heart.

What hurts the most was being so close.
And knowing what could’ve been.
And lovin’ you is what I’ve been trying to do. 

Having to walk away, seems like a could’ve been
but sometimes that day comes, and you have to cut the strings.

What hurts the most was being so close.
And knowing that my love wasn’t enough.
Wasn’t enough to overcome your fears.

Because of you I find it hard to trust,
Not only me, but everyone around me.
I loved and gave
And you never thought of anyone else,
You just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the day
For that same damn thing.

What hurts the most was being so close
And knowing what may never be.

I see your fear.  You don’t see my pain.
And now I’m broken.

It seems like yesterday I didn’t know how hard I could cry
I will try. I will try.  To wipe the tears
But still you cut me deeper.

Once, I gave my heart and gave just all that I had.
But I tried to love again but I knew,
The first cut was the deepest.

Now the second comes again and again.
When it comes to loving me youre first
But when it comes to drying my eyes you’re not.

Just leave me to myself and leave my heart alone.

You’re not sure that you love me but you’re not sure enough to let me go.
It’s not fair, to just keep me hanging around.
You say you want me, by your side.
But please just hit the road and leave the pieces when you go.

Cause if you really loved me,
You would stop hurting me.
If you really loved me,
You would stop dragging me along.

Instead, You tell me that you love me,
And then leave me to dry my own tears.
You say you want me by yourside
But you leave my heart out in the cold.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Just a disclaimer

I'm super stoked about the new buissness cards i got in the mail this week... they are super modern and super chill.   They have my name, number, email, and web address.... i've given them out to several different people other day before i realized that i don't know what i've blogged about the past few weeks so i read back and realized that the past month i've had several blogs that are somewhat incriminating.  So i thought i'd put it out there that i'm not one to play strip poker or get drunk... This really has nothing to do with anything except that i realize the vibe my past 2 or 3 post have left and i'd like to make sure that people know that i'm not some big party animal.   I've celebrated a couple time since Cerrin got here but that's not a regular thing.   .... so anyways, now that i have that out there, i'm gonna get back to the movie i was watching. 

Monday, April 05, 2010

Strip poker

Let's play.... but you better wear lots of layers if you don't want to be naked when it's over : )


this has been going on
each second i look you're gone
you're not calling
it's time for me to move on
my friends were right all along
you keep falling away

giving ups not easy
its hard enough to say

as much as i make believe
you're not really here with me
what was i thinking from the beginning
you didn't care at all

so here's your last song

i can leave it all behind
or take another chance to find you
no where in sight
going to the movies alone
every scenes that's shown
reminds me of you

as much as i make believe
you're not really here with me
what was i thinking from the beginning
you didn't care at all
all that's left are the memories
constantly haunting me
i'm giving up it's time to grow up
you're not around and we're not in love
heres the last song

laying around in around in this hotel room
too much to think about nothing to do
she's not coming back she's not coming back

as much as i make believe
something in side of me
has got me hoping got me thinking
who am i to assume

this love is crazy
unpredictable maybe
you'll melt my heart like you did from the start
all over again it's not the end

so here's your last song

yeah we made it out