Monday, July 28, 2008

I officially own a bike.

2003 Yamaha XVstar Classic 650CC with 18000 miles
It's maroon and black and white with saddle bags and a back rest and a highway bar and back bag rack
It's a little louder than the 99 but i think the aceseseries and the age difference make it worth it. It is 4300 out the door and i've put 250 down. i have 1900 in my bank account so i will have to take out 2500 loan. that shouldn't take me too entirely long to pay off but it will also help my credit score a lot. `

So i am ready to learn to ride my new toy. I have the general idea and i think i could pretty much figure it out on my own but i want to take the class. ...especially now.

I am stoked... i said forever that i was going to buy a bike. i'm good to go.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

XV Star 650 cc

I learned to ride a bike today. I didn't get above first gear, but at least now i know what to expect.... and i'm stoked! I am totally buying this bike tomorrow.

99 custom. 17000 mil. 3499
03 classic 18000 mi. 3999
05 classic 3000 mi. 4999
Both the classics have backrest and the 03 has saddle bags.
I am thinking that the 03 is what i want. It has more accesories that i will need and is the best price for my money.
Sailor said he would test drive it for me. I am trying to get off work tomorrow so that i can go look at it and maybe test drive it.

Believe in something better.

On a pillow of nirvana and a blanket of stars i see the possibilities. I can believe in something better than pain and suffering because i see the joy in simplicity and in chaos.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

year of muscle.

4 years since my first powerlifting meet and my first record. 2 years since i broke the World record. That was such a big part of my life and now i am here and still don't know where i am going with something that was, at one time, my entire life.

Chicago. picturesque

Today i am in Chi town. It was completely unplanned. My parents called and said they were headed up to see MG and now i am tagging along. It would be amazing to be here with my friends. It makes me fall in love with the city and everything that comes with it. I'm a tomboy. I like hunting and rugby and skateboarding, but at the same time i am a city girl. I like skyscrapers and pointy shoes and big purses and coffee shops. I want to live that picturesque scene. I want to be free and i want to be what ever i want. That picture: a girl with big red curly hair and thick mascara in a scarf with the pointiest shoes and the biggest bag and a cup of coffee walking down a store filled street with stop lights and cross walks and street venders. Picture number two: a girl in ripped jeans, skate shoes and choppy hair with a blue streak skateboarding down a rarely used sidewalk in a rundown little town with a boe doezed lot on the left, a gas station on the right, and a bapstist church ahead. I want to do it all. My picture: red curly hair with a blue streak, wearing a green halter dress over ripped jeans and a classic tee; standing in a small college city by a bike rack; holding a longboard in one hand and laying on the ground is an over sized purse. In the other hand are the skate shoes i just took off and on my feet are green pointy shoes. I am a mix of every culture and ever genre and every image you could ever imagine. That is me. This is my destiny. ... To be free.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dare to live my legacy

I'm going to see the world. I'm going to live my legacy. I can't just sit here and move forward on the same path as everybody else. I know that they are happy and that is what counts, but i'm not. I can't just live a normal life. I just can't sit here and move forward like nothing is wrong; but this is not me. This is not my destiny. There is so much more. I can't be happy simply leading a life that everybody would call perfect. I wasn't made to sit still and i wasn't made to take life as they tell me to. I can't just accept that this is the perfect life. I have to see it for myself. I have to go. I have to dare.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Black and white.

Not everything is black and white but the simplicity of what is is beautiful. In fact, just about nothing is black and white. Everything has it's exeptions and everything has its confusions. But just the same, the rainbow of chaos in this world adds exitement to life

Friday, July 18, 2008


This is my legacy. This is the dream that i am living. Some dream of being doctors or lawyers or fire fighters. I just want to be a wife and live a happy life. I want to change the world with my love.
The way my mind keeps turning is like no other brain. But it is me that every guy has stuttered for. My life makes no sense to me. It makes no sense to anyone. But here i stand and dream of living on. of living on.. of living on. I will change the world, if not today; tomorrow will bring another chance. Lets pick up our legacy's and fly. And fly away. This is it. This is now. Why wait until tomorrow for what you can do today. lets change the world. Let's change the world.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

How to fall in love?

Well it's not something you can find in a book no ones writing it on the bathroom walls and Google never seems to get it right. How to fall in love isn't just something you can write down on paper or even learn to do. It happens on its own could be at anytime but you'll know when it does happen. When you get that feeling of a million different emotions being carried around on the backs of butterflies in the pit of your stomach, you'll know. So don't worry about falling in love,
love will fall for you.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

physical graffiti.

I don't fit the standard stereotype. I am no cliche. Everything i do fits no pattern. I have hobbies that are not expected of a girl; your typical tomboy in some sense: skateboarding, hunting, powerlifting. And yet there are still other aspects that no one expects from a tomboy: fashion, art, cooking, mirage. Everything i do fits together so well and yet no one can see that but me. People don't expect a powerlifter to love fashion design or a skateboarder to like cooking. And yet it all fits into the way i think so perfectly; but even that is unique to the rest of the world. From the way i live to the theories i entertain, everything that has ever ran through my mind is random and yet so perfectly organized and it all seems like common sense to me.

Mys-ter-y lmist(ǝ)rēl
(n) something that is difficult or impossible to explain.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Chic guy di goy roi: where did my shoe go?

My skateboarding is improving imenselly. There is one small problem and that is that i now have a hole in my shoe. bummer. i should have kept all those old shoes just to use skating. I use my toes to break with and now i have worn a hole into my shoes :(

Saturday, July 05, 2008


What is the plastic thing at the end of a shoe lace called? Someone asked me that once and no one could answer but today i was watching zach and cody and they had the answer.

[house of D]

"Sometimes she cried herself to sleep and sometimes she just cried."

Friday, July 04, 2008

a rose

There was a homeless guy walking by as i am sitting here checking my internet and i tried to ignore him because i knew he was going to ask for money but he surprised me... he stopped and laid a rose down beside me, wished me a happy day and walked away. It made me smile. It made my entire day better and it made me feel wonderful.

To chase: to pursue: to seek

I am a woman. I deserve to be pursued. I will not put myself out there. I want to be chased. If he is not going to seek me out than that is fine, but i will not be his until he can fight for me. I can be his friend; i will be his friend. But i will not be his booty call. If he wants to be my friend than we can hang out, but i don't want this 2 am watching a movie thing because, really?, who watches a movie at 2a? nobody. Nobody watches a movie at 2a; they are either sleeping or making out. So 2 am? goodmorning. Goodnight. goodbye.

Thursday, July 03, 2008


Life is sureal. Everything. Everyday. Every moment. I am 20 years old. i live on my own. I am leading my own life with a real job. I don't know what i am doing with my life and i am just waiting for the next step of life. I skateboard and play rugby and the violin. I have friends and they are all guys. I have made out with my share of boys and now i have passed first base. I don't know what i am doing.. I am really just taking what life throws me, but it is all so sureal and i don't know what to do with it.

Stupid rules

I hate people and i hate their stupid rules. I'm not good at anything and i can't even try to be good because there are so many rules in this world. I understand that most of the rules are for our own safetey or the safetey of others, but why can't people just use their brains a little bit. I went to the hospital car garage and went to the top floor. I bet there were no more than 20 cars in the entire 6 floors but i went to the top anyway to avoid cars so i wouldnt' be in anyone's way. There was not one car on the entire 2 floors but i still got kicked out. ... so now i'm gonna go to the road instead so that people can hit me and send me to that same hospital where i wasn't hurting anybody. .. It is just like when i got in trouble for taking my bike in the rec for work and i was told that i couldn't have bikes in the rec.... seriously? really? what was that hurting? I hate stupid people and all of their stupid rules. You know what... just go fuck the world because i hate it. I hate all these sterioe types and regulations and the way people think i have to do things their way.

Fast and the furious

It's who you choose to be around you. It's trust in character that i need.

I don't need people who look for fame. i don't need anyone to look for my acceptance. It is honesty and true morality that make a person good. A passion to move forward is what will fuel a motivation. and it is their passion that will build my own motivation and their motivation that will build my own passion.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

i'm the type of girl

"I'm the type of girl that be so sad but can still look at you and smile. the type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if i can't brighten my own."

Be Fearless.

Hear your heart beat and dance.

psyc notes:

Our personality is what makes us unique.
Everybody has a personality
Every personality is probably common, but still unique.
Personality is pretty fixed between 6-12
Personality is how someone behaves.
Traits are descriptors. Adj that can describe yourself.

Self-concept: your character as you know it.