Saturday, November 29, 2008

Not just my bike..

My bike just broke. But that's not why my life is falling apart.
My life is falling apart because:
T.P. HATES me.
Hooper is getting married and leaving me behind.
My housing plans are all up in the air [i may soon be moving out].
I'm gonna be jobless is a month.
I don't know what i want to do with my life
My lifting is going to crap

and my bike, which i just spent my entire savings on, broke down on my way to Evansville which i am now not going to; causing me to miss out on seeing my amazing friends that i will not get to see again for a long time because they live really far away.

So you wanna know why my life is getting crappy?
Let's go shoot some pool because there is no one here to give me a big hug and make everything better.

*on the other note, when i posted this on facebook earlier i got a crazy amount of responses.. I never realized exactly how many people actually cared - i just thought they all kind of took me for granet... not actually as a friend. ... It makes me feel a lot better, i know the world will keep turning... with their support i will make it through this.

Friday, November 28, 2008



This is another really cool blogger that i am now wasting my free time watching... And i always love a guy with a guitar.

I really loved working today.

My first day of work really wasn't that bad at all! I really enjoyed today. I was constantly doing something and i got to help people and talk to people. The big catch is call in shifts - i can't do those. I have 4 call in shifts next week - as long as they keep calling me in i will work, but if they start making a habbit of not letting me work i am leaving. I really love this job - i just hope they make use of me.


Wake up, shoppers. It’s time to get over that pumpkin-pie hangover and get going.
That’s right. It’s Black Friday, the day of insanity that kicks off the holiday shopping season. And that means it is time to get serious about gifts. But anyone who has braved Black Friday knows it is about so much more than just a sale. It’s the thrill of shopping in the wee hours. The rush of scoring that coveted product at the lowest price it has been all year. At 9 o clock last night, i drove by best buy to see a line of twenty-something people lined up for nearly a block with tents and lawn chairs. The shopping starts early with some stores opening up as early as 4 am for this big shopping day. For me, i would rather sleep in and while i wasn't do any shopping this morning, the schedule said 6 AM for me and so i was up and ready to do some selling - turns out, they didn't need me until 9 so my first day of work is going to be a few hours later than origionally planned. Which is fine by me, i would rather catch a few more Z's.
After looking at my schedule for next week, however, i know that today will probably not only be my first shift, but my last shift as well. I have 4 on call days next week and not a single garenteed shift. So while others are going to spend the next month shopping for gifts, i'm going to be spending it shopping for jobs. I guess the search is on.
While i now know what i have to do, i still have one shift today. After this gauranteed shift, i have my on call shift, if they tell me that they don't need me i think i will tell them that i'm done and then waddle my way over to Evansville where my dear friends from the LoCashCowboys are playing. ... providing that it's not to cold for be to brave the two hour drive on my motorcycle.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


First day at Aero and maybe the last.

I don't have time to say too much because i have to be up at 5. Tomorrow is my first day of work at Aeropostle and it's black friday - how crappy is that?!?! i think i'm gonna work tomorrow and buy some pants and then quite before my shift on saturday: I really really need to find a job, but i need one that will last through the season and a seasonal job is NOT going to meet my needs so i'm gonna do this and then focus on working as many hours as possible at the rec and finding a good job. I need to print off my resume and then i will really crack down. So that is my plan for this weekend... and if i quite at Aero then i will be able to road trip it to Evansville to see Ryan and Spaz. It just might be a party.

Turkey day

The big Turkey day is here and gone. It wasn't much different than every other year. I ate too much and by the time I was done eating, my food baby looked nearly 3 months along. After lunch we sat around, slept off our Turkey coma, and we all made fun of each other. My food baby was still developing when we started filling our plates again. My friend, Julie, joined us this holiday and brought exitment to the warm home. So now another Thanksgiving is past and i will sleep hard tonight as my food digests.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I like this word. It's catchy and cool.

I also like the word bloody and bloody nob. They are just so British and, for some reason, in my American mind, classy.

My inspiration:


: i'm gonna start video blogging once in a while, so stay tuned.


Word of Advice: never settle

I want a penguin

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hello Free bird, wont you be my friend?

I don't have anything to shield myself against anymore. I'm putting my walls down. You can't break my heart, and no one else can either. I've learned and i've lived and the heart ache that i've felt - well i wouldn't give it up for anything because it has filled an entire chapter in my book.

Why would i want to live with a wall around myself? Why would i want to see the world with that kind of view.. unless i was sitting on the wall, but what good would that do - and i would probably end up falling off anyway. So you can shut the world out but i think i'll not.

Maybe ill like him or him or you or that guy, and maybe whoever i end up falling for will break my heart. But i don't care. Go for it - and good luck. Im burning my walls so that i can live free and if the price is pain than oh well. It will be well worth the freedom that i'm about to embrace. Pain is nothing and heartbreak is only pain. So hello free bird, wont you be my friend.

Pressing on

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
There's only one thing left to do.
Drop all I have and go with you.

Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind.
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing (never knowing) where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on.
Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone. (pressing on, pressing on)
And I won't sit back, and take this anymore.
'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Adversity, we get around it.
Searched for joy, in you I found it.

You look down on me, but you don't look down on me at all.
You smile and laugh, and I feel the love you have for me.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all.

-Relient K



laugh out loud

An Amazing prank

Monday, November 24, 2008

I am who i've become

I'm not who i used to be.
I'm different and i don't know how.
I don't know why.

The person i used to be isn't the person i am today.
I am still just as strange,
still just as wierd.
But i'm different.

This is who i am now,
but this is who i am
Just who i am and no one else.

:l <3

There's this boy. Ok. and i think i like him.
I liked him last year, but i didn't really know him.
So here is the story. I'm not going to tell him because if he persuses me i want it to be because he likes me and not because he is just flattered. I want him to like me enough to risk his pride of rejection.

So i know that every guy that reads this will think i'm talking about him - for those of you that this is not about, i'm sorry.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

beautiful body

I guess i can understand why someone would be unhappy with their body, but i don't understand how anyone can feel God's love and still think there is something wrong with them.

He created the universe. How can you see something so breathtaking and think that creator of that could ever follow it with anything less.

Gun season

Ok. This is not an inspired blog or anything exciting. But i would like to make a mental note that i will not forget: This past weekend was gun season : wow, was it cold... coldest season yet. I killed a little buck the first morning and then didn't shoot that night. Saturday we sighted my gun and it was off 6 inches [lucky i killed one] I saw 30 deer On sat and i didn't let loose even one shot; i was a little gun shy that i would miss again. My dad, cousin, and his friend didn't get anything - not one thing! wow. My cousin's friend's name was sunny, he was pretty cool [i lil unintelegint, but still cool] and boy, do i remember why i hate cold whether - it was FREEZING!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

.................. <3

They say you shouldn't ever give up on someone you can't go a day with out thinking about. But every day i think about him, and then remember how he broke my heart.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

: ]

I don't care how you label me.

I don't care what you call me

Just know

That i am happy

just the way i am

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

i can't forget

Everybody thinks i'm such a strong person, that's what they tell me. Ha.. if only they knew. If they only knew how hard it is for me to cope with life. I can't. I can't deal with it. I used to be the most reliable person and i cared about everybody, but i look at who i've become and all i can say is that i'm sorry. I'm sorry that i've become everyone else. I can't deal with being bailed on and not being wanted and being unwanted. But that is exacly what i've began to do. I know i'm different and i used to be ok with that but as i get older people are less and less accepting to my differences. There will always be the people who call themselves my friends - but i know that they will never be there when i really need them

I can't stop the hurt, i may never be able to. But i can't let it consume my life. God is my best friend. I have allowed myself to forget that and i have allowed the people around me to influence my life. I have allowed them to mold me. I am a strong girl and i will get over this.
She was my best friend and i screwed her over. .. but i can't let it ruin my life. Shit happens. She had already let go and i just cut the strings. I defently should have dealt with things differently but i didn't and now i have to deal with things the way they are. So i will be out of this lease soon and i am going to move straight to Nashville. I am going to start over from scratch so that i can mold myself from the start up.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

My soul is breathing

I want to capture the notes and put them into colors, take the tones and put them on canvas. This music can not be captured, it is a window of the soul that nothing physical can claim just as art of colors and textures is too majestic for the eyes to coprahend.

I burn in the flames of desire

I stand waiting for the flames of my heart to die out of you. So i can escape in to the world and live free. Free from the torment that captivates me every moment i think of you.

Free from your thoughts.
Free from you.


pop 8

The resonance of a city street during rush hour will fade into background music as the city becomes a home, but even that chours will seem faint to the ruckus that is interupting my day now.

A quite lunch, basking in the joy of my home was my idea, but the infernal notes that rings out out side are not ideal for a melody. The horns that blair, a mix of support and anger, are the effects of a fight, a fight that people describe as peaceful.

The noise is not even the real striking chord that has uprooted my nerves, it is just the cherry on a cake. A cake that i want to pick up and throw in the face of it's maker.
I am all for justice. I endorse fighting for your rights. I would gladly attest to any progress towards fairness. But really? what progress is this demonstration going to generate? Go picket in front of the white house or in front of the guy who made you mad.. cause even if your protest did cause me to change my mind, i can't do anything to make it better.

How many people actually change their opinion based on a march? i'd guess not very many. I have always assumed [and i could be wrong] that people see a protest and either agree and it stirs up emotions of support or disagree and it stirs up emotions of anger. I suppose it could be seen as an encouragement to some, but when i am driving down the road through a march i feel judged, as if they are condemning me for disagreeing. When i do agree with their fight i feel wronged, as if they are trying to force our opinions on others [which i am 100% against].

I believe people should fight for what they believe in. I don't mind people disagreeing with me. The people outside picketing right now - i disagree with them, and thats fine. I don't have a single problem with them fighting for their beliefs, but i do have a problem with them standing out there, in my front yard [which, yes, it is a public sidewalk... but still my front yard] and trying to force their beliefs on people passing by. If they want to change what has happened then they should go to the people who have some effect on the events, not to the commoners driving to work or home or to the groccery store because, for me, they have done nothing but push me away from their cause with their clamorous protest.

*Just a disclaimer: I have no problem with their cause, while i do disagree i will not argue with them; it is their actions that hit a note wrong

Friday, November 14, 2008


take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run you'll be the prince and i'll be the princess it's a love story baby just say yes. [♥]

an Angel's light

No more dreaming, please!

I woke up today knowing that today is just another yesterday. When will the day come that tomorrow becomes today and not just another dream.

Don't try and flatter me with your worlds.

They mean nothing to me.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

My friends are getting married

... toilet paper is in a serious relationship with a boy that i'm pretty sure she'll marry. Emily's getting married, hooper is talking about it and we all now they're together forever. I am the last one standing and now i'm ready. I just don't know how to go about finding a husband when i am so obviously different than the rest of the world.

The notes of my heart

I can't even contain my emotions. There is so much that i have been made to do.
The music only amplifies it. Even on the worst day of my life, the music can make the joy of life explode within. It can make the joy i ache for tear through my heart and it can make the ambitions that i was born for soar through the sky.
It is part of my heartbeat. Part of my soul.
The thing that hurts the most is that I can feel the notes coursing through my viens - they are part of me and yet i can't talk, i can't get them out.. I don't know how to put it into anything else than my own breaths.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

I've got a fat lip!

it's huge! Its because of my new ring - but it should heal up pretty fast. I think i''m gonna look at getting an eyebrow retainer for it because the lip retainer isn't big enough.

I will die without something more.

There has got to be more to life than just this. Wake up, go to sleep. wake up, go to sleep. I can't do this. I need something more. I need excitement. I need adventure. I need to wake up knowing that i could die but right now i feel invensible. How could i die when i do anything worth dieing for. I need a thrill.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

anyone else but you

her: You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend

him: I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

him: I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

her: Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

him: The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

hera: I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

her: Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

him: You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

her: We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

him: Don Quixote was a steel driving man. My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

her: Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Lo cash violinist

Last night the i got to see Ryan - even more exciting than that: i got to meet his girl! She totally showed up to surprise him and so i got to hang out with her all night while he played, and she turned out to be totally awesome!
I also actually met the merch guy, spaz, and he turned out to be pretty darn amazing too. I am pretty sure that he has a crush on me. lol. ... oh boy, another fan of mine. Haha! i just don't know what to do about all these boys.
So after the show Steve showed up and i told Essay, Ryan's girl, about steve's akwardness and how he tried to date me and somehow they managed to ditch him - which i was impressed by cause he deffintly can't take hints - but it ended up being a blast cause when we went out to stake n shake [the real one] it was Ryan, essay, Spaz, and me and it really did end up being a lot of fun.
A list of movies they are going to make me addicted to : Dr. who, Dr. horibble, and one other that i forgot.
When i move, another option is Nashville - that would be fun too!
So now it is 740 and i still haven't gotten to sleep a lick and i have to teach swim lessons at 9 so i am gonna take a quick nap and pray that i wake up!! i am so tired. blah. k.night....