Saturday, July 31, 2010

two more interviews

I have one tomorrow at a hooka bar in kissimee and then mon i have one at a bar in Cocoa beach.... and it is ON THE BEACH!! .

Christ ian?

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
-Mahatma Gandhi

I love Jesus. I know that i screw up, i screw up BIG! but i still love Jesus. My mom tells me "love Jesus, don't party" but when i party everyone there knows that i love Jesus because i don't judge them. I sin alot but i still strive to be like Jesus.
The difference between me and other christians:
Other christians sin by judging and pushing people away.
I sin by secular matters but at least i'm not pushing people away from God.

If you ask me:
Two christians, they will both sin. If one's sin pushes people away from God and the other one's sin makes people give God a second chance, i'd rather be the second one.

People will judge me. Christians judge me because i eat with sinners. sinners judge me because i am christian.

Sure, i need to work on my sin. Sometimes, when i eat with sinners, i sin. At least i still love them. Who's going to bring them to God if the only ones telling them about God are the same people that judge them? I sin. The world sees that. The world also see's you "christians" and your sins. They see how your nose is in the air and they see how you look at them. They see how you disrespect their beliefs and they see how you throw your beliefs on them just like the vaccume sales men do. Why will the EVER listen to you?

Christians tell me that i'm wrong. They tell me that i should not be eating with sinners. They tell me that my love is too tolerant. They tell me that my understand is too accepting.
I don't care. I am going to love everyone no matter whether they buy my vaccume or not. I'm not out here to sell Jesus. I love Jesus and hopefully my love for people will help other people love Jesus but if it doesn't .... i will still love them.

‎"Jesus wouldn't have made a good Christian, he was too forgiving, loving and tolerant" .... for that matter, i guess that's why they killed him.

a comedy

It's riddiculus. I watch movies that are sad and i cry. I also cry during romances and even in comedies now. All it takes is one scene. I didn't used to cry. I used to man up when a sad scene played out. Now it hurts. for that matter, i cry just thinking about that sad scene in the last comedy i watched. I suppose it's something to do with my circumstances. Everything upsets me now. You could probably tell me someone's cat died and i'd cry for them. Maybe i'll man up in about a year, but right now i predict that the tears will keep coming. Just don't tell me anything but happy thoughts.

Friday, July 30, 2010


They have twilight crowns at bk :) now im not a twilight fan but i still appritiate

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

interview number clothes

I have another interview today at 230. It's a clothing store.

I have an interview tomorrow as a nanny, fri in Panama and hopefully by sat ill have another interview at aldi's.
so by sunday i should have a job.

online bible study.

It amazes me how some people stretch the bible. I was originally looking at stuff for marriage but then i got distracted by some dude trying to say that pre-marital sex is OK. Come on people. If you want to sin, fine. At least be honest to yourself about what you're doing. The discussion was clearly meant to be biblical and then people come in saying that the bible doesn't say anything about pre-marital sex. The bible is FILLED with the subject. I would say nearly every other book mentions it. Adultery (sex out side of your spouse, even if you don't have a spouse), fortification, sexual desires, ect.
So many people where posting things such as "Anybody that considers premarital sex wrong has issues of their own that they do not wish to discuss. Sex, of any kind, is a basic human need." Wow, way to answer a biblical question without a hint of the bible in the answer. These people are dumb. If you don't believe in the bible that is fine, but why would you try to answer a question about the bible? Someone who doesn't believe the bible could say something like this and be fine. Anyone who believes the bible should ALWAYS have at least something from the bible to back it up. If you can't find anything in the bible to back up your beliefs or decisions than you think twice as to whether it's actually the right path. Some of these people were plain ignorant in the way of God.

My original search was on marriage. One point that i did find was sex as marriage.
"According to Bible (OT) law once you have sex you are married. That is the whole ceremony. Read the stories. Look at the law about rape. If a guy rapes some girl then he is her husband. That's the punishment." If you have sex with someone the biblical punishment is either a) you are then married or b) you are burned at the steak. Obviously no one is going to go burn me at the steak, but the matter is that Premarital sex with a single partner could be fixed by marriage.

anyway... just a thought.

Monday, July 26, 2010

10 hour interview.

I have another interview. This one is in Panama. It's at a golf course. I think it would be a nice job. The only catch is that Panama is a short 5 hour drive. So i will be leaving home no later than 9 am. My interview is at 2 and then i'll drive back. It's quite a drive just for an interview, but at this point, i'm desperate.

So true.

"Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last"
- Oscar Wilde

liberals vs guns

I think it's kind of ironic.. The liberals are the ones that think we should be able to do what ever you want. But it's the liberals that want gun laws passed. You can kill babies but you shouldn't be able to carry a gun. ?? I don't think the liberals are all wrong i just think it's ironic that the conservatives want everything to be illigal but they still want to be able to carry guns.

Socially, i'm pretty liberal, but when it comes to gun laws i'm conservative because i'm liberal on the subject.

I think that makes absolutely no sense.

Now i'm in fl where i can buy a gun and have a gun with out a foid card. It's about time. Guess i don't need to renew mine.

still alive

I made it back to fl. I tried to stay. Lol. I told my father that i hate fl. It is boring and i don't like it. He told me that i can't come back now, i have to try. Once i get an apt and a job it will be better. So here i am, back in fl. All of my belongings are now in a trailer parked outside Heather's house and i'm on the search for a job still.

ps. my addiction to hoping: defently NOT clairified. So i guess it's done. Maybe things will change, but right now it's done. I'm through hoping.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The final move.

The cost of gas is going to be at least 500. It'd better be soon that i get a job or there is no way i can afford this. Maybe will will finally commit to me and the price of gas wount actually even matter, but if not than i will be very very low on my cash.


I love you.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Will Stephens likes this

Ok.  Maybe it's not that big of a deal.... after all, we're not even officially together.   But it was less than a month ago he was telling me that he wanted to marry me right there and then. .. and i know he would be upset if we switched shoes.
Maybe this shouldn't mean anything to me and i'm just over reacting.  He's the one that said that she's crazy, i know that she would steal him away with any opportunity she had.
It's just kind of ironic that she would post a comment directly above me about wishing he was with her and then he would go and "like" both of them.  I mean damn it man! make up your mind.  You can't have both.


I think i have a new addiction to hoping but hopefully this weekend will end or clairify my hope.

interview number lost count

I had another interview today ... the one at the body shop, a clothing store in the mall.  It took me a little longer to get there than planned (took 45 min!)  and so i ended up being 5 min late.   When i walked in, she told me that they had a policy,  If you're not early... they can't hire you.   I'm not from FL. she knows that!  I'm not even staying in that same town.  It's silly that they wouldn't even get me interview just because i'm not familiar with the territory.  but what ever.
I have another interview next week and this one should be interesting.  There is a guy named Dave who has been raising his 4 year old daughter by himself since his wife died.  He wants a nanny to help around the house.  I like the idea.  I'd basicly be a house wife - the wife.  I take care of the girl and help around the house and i have a place to live and an income.  I think it's a nice deal.  We are getting together for lunch sometime next week, hopefully things will work out.  I don't know how old he is yet and i don't know how the deal is going to be, but as long as everything stays proffesional this could be really perfect.   I'm excited about this.  ... and then i should be hearing from Aldi's within the next week.   Maybe things will actually start working soon.  I hope so because i don't like not having any plans.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


ps.  that health systems job ended up flopping - none of them have any idea what they're doing and fell apart just like i predicted.

Cupcake shop

As we all know, i love cupcakes.

O joy posted a blog a few days ago about an absolutely adorable cupcake shop.

click Here for the full post


The need i have can only be subsided one way. There is only one thing that i need any more.  Only one thing that i want.  It's a need more than food or water.  It's a need that is deeper than just the heart.  I don't know how to satisfy it but i need this.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

My own family

This is all i want, but it's not going to happen. It's going to be just me.   No kids, no husband, no dog.  I do have a ferret named Stewart.  I guess that's going to be my family.... Me and Stewart. 

Friday, July 16, 2010

Life sucks

get over it.

Day 3 in the field.

Corey went in to do a demo and came out with food..... That is what i call epic amazing - i'm impressed.

Work trip

I'm in Miami with a bunch of the team.  The girl im sharing a bed with = biggest bed hog ever!  I'm so tired, but she is taking up THE ENTIRE BED!!!

.... ok, she just moved over finally, so i'm going to go back to bed while she's not practicly laying on top of me. lol

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I really hate dumb cops.  I also hate ones that are overly deffensive and overly proud of their power.... their job is to help people so stop being dumb and do your freaking job.    Sometimes, i find cops that are really nice.  Normally, i really just can't stand their stupidity.

Monday, July 12, 2010

daisies and dandilions

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

So what do i want my ending to be? I'm not one to even want a new beginning... i don't live with regret. That's just not how i roll. so when i look back on life and i see how messed up it's been at points what do i think? How do i feel? what's really wrong is that i don't. Somehow, i've lost all feeling in life. Sure, sometimes i hurt and sometimes i smile, but when i really just sit back and look at my life as a whole.... i forgot how to feel. My honest feelings: i feel like i'm strange for not having any feelings. I feel like there is something wrong with me for not caring where i've been. 

I've done absolutely everything there is to do in life. I've traveled the world... or at least to half of it. i've been to half the contienents. I've loved. I've met any type of person you can think of. I've been friends with out cast and i've been friends with celebraties. I've walked with lions and i've learned more hobbies than any one person normally learns in a life time. I've broke world records and i've broke hearts. .... .and yet maybe that is why i can't feel anymore. I've done just about anything that anyone has ever dreamed of and at the end of the day i've always known that the only thing gained is another experience.... I'm still just me and i'm still going to wake up, just another person. 

I can't choose a new begining, and that's ok. Can i pick my own ending? I don't know that i want to. I'm going to go on about my day just like every other day and i know that tonight, i will still have no feelings. Where ever life ends up taking me - i guess that will be my ending because i don't really care to pick one (i always have been a pretty indifferent type of girl. lol) If i try to decide my own ending, i will only end up dissapointed or failing. So I'm going to leave it up to the day and pray that God will make it out to be something .... after all, it doesn't really matter to me what the ending is, as long as its right and as long as it's just.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

work at the Flee market

The health stystems co went to the big flee market in town today.  The flee market was awesome.  I would really like to go on my own sometime when i have money to blow.   But as for work - it was so pointless.   No one really wants what we have.  There were too many of us there and we were just scamming people for their names.  I am not a scammer or a harasser but that's what my job is now.   I don't like that.   I like my boss, but he's so overly confiedent, even with this job.  He's only been there for 3 weeks and he thinks he can save it.... when anything is that close to collapsing it is almost a helpless effort.  I think he's being too ambitious and he's gonna end up helpless when it doesn't work.  The head boss isn't much better... he tells us how to do it, but i need him to show me.   I need him to prove that we can be successeful with what we have in front of us, but he's not going to do that and i don't believe him unless i see it....  I think this whole thing is only a matter of time before it collapses.  ... And i'm really not making much.   300 dollars for 40 hours (at least 40 hours) = less than 7.5 an hour.  That's less than min wage... and for a job that isn't going anywhere right now.

Friday, July 09, 2010

ice cream truck

I did NOT realize there were actually trucks!  I was sitting on the computer today, looking for an apt.. and i heard the song,  A soft melody in the distance. I actually asked JC (hoops man) what that sound was and when he told me it was an ice cream truck i didn't even bother putting shoes on before i ran outside to chase it down. we do have 2 gallons of ice cream in the freezer, there's nothing as awesome as chasing down the ice cream truck for a good old traditional frozen lemonade.  Now i want to open up an ice cream truck and drive around the parks with little kids chasing me :)

Thursday, July 08, 2010

job uno

I got a job with health systems of central fl... don't tell them i said this, but they basicly sell vaccumes and air purifiers, for FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.  The people i work with i think are pretty much party animals. lol.   Yesterday we went to Daytona to go canvasing.... but we didn't sell anything : (   i pretty much suck at this job. ... and i'm not a very good tellemarketer at all.

*You can check em out: Filter queen  ... let me know what you think.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Leesburg, FL

This is where i'm aiming.  I know that Aldi's is most likely going to transfer me here and there's a really cool resterunte called JJ fins that seemed like a real potiential job.  It's closer to Orlando with out being big city and it is surrounded by a HUGE lake which is basicly a beach.  It's also a lot closer to all the lake county facilities (like the hospital and health dept... ect).  It also has a vineyard church there (which is not my fave, but still is a major possibility if i can't find a church that i like better)

Monday, July 05, 2010

job interview

Aldi's on Wed.... i'm pretty positive they'll offer me the job.  woo hoo.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

job searching in FL

I've just moved to FL this week and now i'm on a job search.  I know i'm about to get a job offer at Aldi's.  This nice thing is that they have good pay, good hours, and good benefits.  The down thing is that this isn't the kind of job i want for the rest of my life.  I want a nanny job or a lifeguarding job or something like that.... I guess i'll deal with this for now, but with my situation i really wish the better would happen sooner rather than later. .  It'll be ok.  I'm sure i can deal with this for now - any job would be good to start with.