Saturday, December 04, 2010

done hurting.

The first time my heart was hurt…. I went back to him.  I was hoping he was going to be a better man.  I was hoping that his apology was honest and true.
He wouldn’t back up his words with actions.  He couldn’t marry me or commit or anything proving his “love”.   I knew in the back of my brain that love was nothing without real actions but I wanted to believe that he really did love me.
Then he did it again.  He lied to me.  He deceived me.  He tore me apart. 
Now he wants me to give him another chance… “begging me” for another chance….. words will do nothing for him.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.   He’s lied to me about the same topic – TWICE.  Shame on me.  I will NOT do it a third time.  He doesn’t deserve to break my heart anymore.  He doesn’t deserve to fool me again.  

He is everything I want.   But he doesn’t love me.   Love is nothing without caring.  Breaking my heart is not love. 

Propose – call it off
Propose – call it off
propose – back it off
yell and humiliate and dehumanize me in public.
make a baby – don’t support me
and then lie to me and lie to me again. 

I am done being treated like shit.
If he wants to be with me, he can man up, get her out of his life, tell me the truth, chase me and chase me, and then propose in front of the world. – all without a guarantee that I’ll say yes.  MAYBE I’ll consider marrying him.  Maybe I’ll say no.   It doesn’t matter because he wont even go as far as manning up…. Little lone put his reputation and pride on the line.

Life sucks.   Suck it up.

I will figure out a way through this.  I will survive.  I will succeed. 
I will NOT love again until the day I say I do. 

If he wants me – he should have thought about that before he through my heart aside. 

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