Monday, July 12, 2010

daisies and dandilions

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

So what do i want my ending to be? I'm not one to even want a new beginning... i don't live with regret. That's just not how i roll. so when i look back on life and i see how messed up it's been at points what do i think? How do i feel? what's really wrong is that i don't. Somehow, i've lost all feeling in life. Sure, sometimes i hurt and sometimes i smile, but when i really just sit back and look at my life as a whole.... i forgot how to feel. My honest feelings: i feel like i'm strange for not having any feelings. I feel like there is something wrong with me for not caring where i've been. 

I've done absolutely everything there is to do in life. I've traveled the world... or at least to half of it. i've been to half the contienents. I've loved. I've met any type of person you can think of. I've been friends with out cast and i've been friends with celebraties. I've walked with lions and i've learned more hobbies than any one person normally learns in a life time. I've broke world records and i've broke hearts. .... .and yet maybe that is why i can't feel anymore. I've done just about anything that anyone has ever dreamed of and at the end of the day i've always known that the only thing gained is another experience.... I'm still just me and i'm still going to wake up, just another person. 

I can't choose a new begining, and that's ok. Can i pick my own ending? I don't know that i want to. I'm going to go on about my day just like every other day and i know that tonight, i will still have no feelings. Where ever life ends up taking me - i guess that will be my ending because i don't really care to pick one (i always have been a pretty indifferent type of girl. lol) If i try to decide my own ending, i will only end up dissapointed or failing. So I'm going to leave it up to the day and pray that God will make it out to be something .... after all, it doesn't really matter to me what the ending is, as long as its right and as long as it's just.

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