Thursday, October 01, 2015

Sucked Raw

Auna Banana is 8 weeks.  I am officially done pumping.

I spent the first couple weeks breast feeding.  Then i switched to pumping so that daddy could help relieve some of the stress of feeding.
When i started pumping, my supply dropped dramatically.
We started formula and pumping 3-4 times a day.

EVERYONE has breastfeeding/pumping advice.  I listened to all of it.  We tried power pumping.  We tried drinking shit tons of water.  We tried a million different "solutions".
I went on Reglan and my supply sky rocketed.
The problem is, my production did not.  I had clogged ducts. I had engorgement.  I ended up with Mastitis.  We went on an antibiotic to help with the mastitis.
About the time the mastitis cleared up, i dropped the reglan and dropped to pumping twice (sometimes three times) a day.

I was exaughsted and stressed.  I didn't feel attractive.  My leaky and tender boobs made me feel like a cow despite my drastic weight loss.

The solution?  I've stopped pumping.

I'm not giving up.  I'm not quitting because i'm out of solutions.  I'm done because it is time.
This morning, i laid in bed with my precious baby girl and cuddled.  I didn't have to rush to get up to pump.  Tonight, i'm going to make love to my awesome husband instead of pumping when i really don't want to.

I know i will continue to receive advice from everyone and anyone...  Mothers telling me that i need to drink mothers milk tea or "supportive" friends telling me i will regret it like they did and that i should just push through it.

Some people love breast feeding, but for us it just wasn't worth it.
The thing is, I feel good.  I love being able to relax instead of circling my entire schedule around pumping.  I love being able to write this blog without juggling plastic bottles suctioned to me like a milk cow.  I love not being covered in milk after getting out of the shower.  I love WANTING to hold my baby instead of dreading it.

There is so much pressure to "make breastfeeding work".  Everyone wants to be supportive so that women can be "successful" at it.  They make those that don't breastfeed feel pressured into something that is NOT best for them and their child.  My husband had to remind me that he supports the decisions i make even if others don't.  He has been there for this entire journey.  For those that don't have that support structure (and those that do too), check out this article, Stop breastfeeding without the guilt by Inspired Mama.  It was refreshing when i was trying to break the pressure and really didn't want to keep going.

And input:  I can't decide if i want to keep my baby blog and this blog separate or if i should just combine them into one blog.

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