Thursday, April 02, 2009

Journey’s end?

Good Christians and bad Christians. What’s the difference?
My philosophy teacher told the class that I’m a good Christian.
When I am surrounded by the elderly and the righteous they judge me because of the differences between me and them.. they whisper amongst themselves of what a bad Christian I’ve been.
Who’s eyes can see me for who I am?
Who really knows my motivations and my desires?

I don’t believe in Good Christians or bad. You either love God or you don’t.

I have God’s love tattooed on my back, big bold letters brand my body.
Today those letters remind me of my past, and the lessons I’ve learned.

No body knows the truth, they don’t know the story that has shaped my life. I was proud of the promise God gave me until that promise broke every definition of who I am.

Now I don’t know what they point of life is. I’m not one to feel sorry for myself .. I have no reason to pout. Today, I stand proud of what I’ve done and what I’ve learned, but I also stand confused… There is nothing left in this world for me. The beginning is over and the end is finished and there is nothing left. I have no ambitions for the future. I have no family to live towards and no God to witness for.. The family I have is from birth and the God I loved spoke lies to me. So now I am left here with an empty shell. You would think that my life would end at the end of my journey, but now my journey is over and I’m still left here living. So what do you do when your journey is over and the path has come to an end? I’ve always seen suiside as a desperate attempt to escape pain, but I have no pain to escape… just an empty life with no reason. I am past living life to the fullest – i’ve filled my life to the top and now what do I do with it when it’s full? When the job is done? My journey is over, now where do I go?

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