Friday, April 01, 2011

picking flowers.

I love flowers …. I can’t wait to plant some in my front yard. .   but I also like when I come home to flowers sitting on my door step. 
There was once a time when someone bought me flowers.  At the time I was talking to WTS but we weren’t together.   A guy that I had been hanging out with left them on my mail box and it made me feel beautiful.  

I’m not going to lie, I miss those days.  I used to be sweet and innocent and guys wanted to treat me right.  When I lost my husband and my baby I lost all self respect and went down a road of secular desire.   I’m over that now.  I have seen the world from the world’s eyes and I’ve dealt with the consequences of worldly lust.  Now I am exaughsted of being disgusted by myself and I’m ready to withdraw myself from this city of sin.  I’m not saying that I am going to leave my friends or that I will be the perfect little angle.  I am saying that I’m ready for the respect that I used to demand.  I don’t care what people say about me but I do care what I say about myself.  Sure, I can disrespect myself and participate in adolecent ignorance.  However; I would rather get married and have a real family…. But no guy is going to respect me if I don’t respect myself.  I have lost everything in life but it is true what they say – once you hit bottom the only direction to go is up.  Now I am moving up.  I might never heal from the pain of my experiences, but the reminder of my scars will help keep me on a straight path.  No more unnecessary partying.  No more unrespectable friends.  No more bad decisions. 

I have experienced life, now I am ready to start living it.  I might have more experiences than your average mid-tweenties kid, but I can be real about it.  I know I will never be innocent in the true sense of it again, but I can be sweet and I can be respectable. 

I’ve been who I wanted to be and now I want to be me again.  My name is Bee Mo, I am 22 years old, and while I might not be so innocent I think that only makes me a little wiser.  Welcome to the documents of my day to day experiences, inspirations, and boring old thoughts.

Veronica mars: “ No Gia, Clamydia is not a flower”

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