burning pain

I can't decide who i dislike more, My ex or his ex.   It's a burning hatred that is far more violent than my personality can contain.

I got a bat today for my own home invasion protection since my little house stands on the edge of a questionable neighborhood,  but now i am starting to wonder if it is so smart for me to have the possession of a weapon that could be used for more than just protection.

I know i need to let it go.  The problem is that "he" wont let me.  I am trying to move on so that i can stop hating because, like i said, hatred is not something my personality sits comfortably with.  Now i have to watch "her" call him baby names and adorn him with her attraction to him as he chases me around and whispers sweet NOTHINGS through texts.
What a whore.  Who does that?  him and her.... i wouldn't pity them if they both suffered god's wrath.

and a song that describes my bitterness perfectly:

"Pray For You" by Jaron and The Long Road to Love:

I havent been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’ take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know whereever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you

What makes this an actual problem is that she is coming back to Carbondale and i can guarantee you that this will not be pretty.... he is trying to "take care of me" and he is trying to , well i don't know what is trying to do for her. I do know that when he takes her to one of his shows and invites me, i kill a bitch. Not really, because i don't keep my gun at my house.... but i guarantee I'll end up fighting.

Miranda Lambert, Crazy ex girl friend:

It took me five bars, some thirty license plates
I saw her mustang and my eyes filled up with rage
I brought my pistol, but I ain't some kind of fool
So I walked right in barehanded, she was on his arm while he was playin' pool
Just like I used to do
She kissed him while I got a beer, well she didn't think I'd show up here
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

I watched her for a while but I didn't like her walk
Came across kinda cheap to me, but hey, how's that my fault
She looked at my man like he didn't have on a stitch
Somebody tell that girl to step up to the plate, i'm gonna pitch
Little bitch
Those pretty girls can play their game
But their damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

Well I started throwin' things and I scared folks half to death
I got up in his face and smelled whiskey on his breath
Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jail
Cause baby to hammer everything looks like a nail
And I was mad as hell
Well those pretty girls their all the same
But their damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I'm just not sure what he thinks he is getting at.   When we were together they talked.... she told me i wasn't the "secret lover".  Excuse me?  duh.  I'm the one with a wedding ring on my finger bitch.  Now that my ring is just a pretty reminder of the vengeance in my heart,  I'm not sure who will play his mistress is in the picture, but i can sure promise you that she'll always just be his whore.

DID my ring burn your finger?

When I gave you my heart
It was not what you wanted
Now the walls say your name
And the pictures are haunted
Does my ring burn your finger
Did my love weigh you down?
Was the promise too much to keep around?

I remember your words and I can't keep from cryin
I could never believe that your kisses were lyin
Was there somethin from the past
Buried in a shallow grave?
Did you think that it was too far gone to save?

Please tell me baby
Please tell me now
You say that I should just go on
Now please tell me how

Now it's just me and the night and I'm so broken hearted
I just wait in the dark here for my dearly departed
Did my ring burn your finger?
Did my love weigh you down?
Was the promise too much to keep around? 

well if it did burn, it wont anymore.

and if she ever does end up with him it will never change what she is:

Home wrecker by Gretchen Willson

Well you're a real hot cookie with your new hair-do 
Your high heel boots and your credit card 
Long legs and a mini skirt 
Yeah You know what works and you work it hard
You smile like such a lady, innocent and sweet
Drive the man folk crazy 
But any girl can see 

(Chorus)
You're just a homewrecker
I know what you're doing
You think you're gonna ruin what I've got, but you're not
Yeah you little go getter, I'll teach you a lesson
If you get to messin' with my man, you don't stand a chance
You're just a homewrecker 

I'm sure you've waited for a long long time to find a man like mine
But honey you're too late
So before you go and make your move 
Maybe me and you should get a few things straight
There's two ways we can do this.. I'll let you decide..
You can take it somewhere else or we can take it outside

(Repeat Chorus)

Now honey I'm a christian, but if you keep it up
I'm gonna go to kickin'
Your pretty little butt..
Is that clear enough?