Wednesday, April 30, 2008

One path forward.

It's scary how quickly life can change. It's scary how fast people can come and go. It's terrifing how those changes can effect others.


In HS people would die in car wrecks, mostly just car wrecks, and their friends would be torn to pieces. That is understandable. I have had friends die and i still am mystified by it their deaths. I would also see the people who didn't even know them crying in the halls and this i could never understand. Now i can. While the kids in school would always try to act they knew the victim, i am going to be honest with myself; I didn't know this guy that well. But still i knew him. He went to my church and he was a photographer for the school paper.I know that he loved Jesus... i think that is the biggest thing that tied us together. It makes me see how quickly i could lose my best friend or how quickly my own life could change. I know his friends.. and i can only imagine their grief. Their pain hurts me just as badly as his own event.

I have always felt like an outsider in this world, but things like this really make the rest of the world feel that much farther away. I understand people better than most and that makes it so much harder for me understand them at all. I don't understand the world and how things happen like they do. I love God... That is probably the only thing in this world that makes sense to me... His love and the way he thinks is way easier to understand than the people walking by me right now. I feel like i am looking at this world from the outside... I know that they have all felt pain, but how do they go on living and still not see other people? Maybe it's my insignificance that i can see when i look at these creatures driving by like they have something to be proud of. .. It's like they think that they actually own something in this world.... can they not see how insignificant they are? They could be gone tommarrow just as easily as they were born yesterday and there is not garentee that their name will be known to anyone but themself.

I know that what i say now will not mean anything to him now, but still his death bewilders me. Not only his death, but every death i that has ever effected me.... I just don't see how people can live through things like this. I don't see how they can move on. I suppose it is the only choice that we have.

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