Saturday, August 10, 2013

Survival

I know it sounds cliche, but i don't know where i would be if it weren't for my support group.  They have kept me in a straight line and they have kept me up.  The things they do, even as small as just being there, have been such a huge deal to me.  I have only been up here 8 months, and this is such a big event.  I did not expect the support that i've found.  because of them, i know i can make it through.  I know that i can survive.   I can't say that i necessarily want to survive, but because of these people behind me, i know that i will.  I know that i will be stronger and that i because of them, i will have potential and i will learn to have worth again.

The relationships i have built in the midst of this break down have grown with leaps and bounds.  The appreciation i have is uncontainable.   Maybe its God's way of telling me not to forget that he loves me.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

To Love and to be Loved.

It is the simplest and yet most impossible thing in the world.  You can love all you want, but to be loved in returned ....  ?

Just because you are not loved back does not mean you are unlovable.  It doesn't mean that you haven't tried hard enough.  It doesn't mean that you will never find it.  and it does not mean that you don't deserve love.

I've learned that no matter how desperately you plea, you can not make someone love you in return.  I don't know if you can even earn it.


No matter how much i keep telling myself that - i just can't seem to believe it.  I feel so alone and worthless.

All i want in life is to be loved.  To feel loved... That is all i want.  And yet i am so uncapable of it.  So undeserving of it.  So worthless.