Saturday, October 16, 2010

growing into prostitution.

Have you ever wondered how a whore becomes a whore or how a stripper gets her first job? I imagine sometimes they are raised by someone of like character and ahead of the rest of the world in losing inhibitions. I imagine some are more like me, starting out once very innocent. I grew up as a great kid. I followed all the big rules… didn’t drink, smoke, cuss, or lie. I was 21 when I lost my virginity and when I got drunk for the first time. I was good person all around. I didn’t lie, steal, or cheat and my biggest wrong was getting my lip pierced. Then I made friends who were less cautious and I gave my heart to someone who wouldn’t guard it as their own. That was the final point… I lost my own self respect and self worth when I lost my heart and after that nothing really mattered. I imagine a stripper starts out as a drunk patron dancing on the bar before she gets offered a job. Prostitution would be easier. I would imagine it starts out with lost emotions and the search for someone to share a bed. Eventually they would reject someone and I could see someone making a second attempt as a bribery. Or maybe a casual conversation joking about the idea and then, when word gets out, people decide they agree. Once you’ve lost your self respect and self worth there’s not much holding you back from something like that. I used to think something like that was an all time low….i still think so but now it’s almost a pitty or empathy and sympathy. I doubt I would ever look down on someone for something like that anymore because I’ve felt the numbness that is required for such a thing and it’s an emptiness that could be hidden as ba toughness but is really just pain. I imagine that being a whore isn’t as hard as I once thought and yet maybe emotionally unbearable….. then again, maybe they enjoy it.

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