Saturday, June 20, 2009

Now i wish i had a beer.


Today was Duiqoins first invitational and i got burnt.
We've had two dual meets and we won both [one against Herrin and one against Harrisburg] Now our head coach, Chris has informed us that he has a family emergency and he's leaving town for three weeks. So Me and Deann have temporarily been promoted to head coach..

This will be interesting.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

when will he figure it out

Brian just back yesterday and he’s already done it again.
I got so hot today. I put on hott cheeky panties and a matching incredible push up bra. I made sure my hair was cute and I cooked hot wings and his favorite dessert [brownies]. I cooked all while in those same sexy underwear….. and nothing else. I texted, trying to get him to come over so that he would walk in to me cooking in that oh-so-sexy outfit…. But he was already planning to cook something and so I couldn’t for the life of me get him to come over. He invited me over and I said “but then I’ll have to put clothes on” and he was like “ oh but then you can take them off again.” … really? He says that every time… you think he would WANT to come see me hanging out in my underwear, but appearently he either doesn’t think I’m serious or he just doesn’t care to see me looking like that. I don’t know, but I was so proud of myself for initiating yesterday and then today I got all done up and cooked for him. Now I’m sitting here in underwear that make me feel way too hot and eating way too many hot wings and junk food all by myself . . too bad I don’t have anyone to eat them with or anyone to see my over exposed body.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

bordom is ravaging my life

I miss waking up and having things to do.. and then being able to rest after it's all done.
Now i wake up on Saturday and i have nothing, no friends to hangout with, no pictures to paint... There are no friends, no hobbies. My life has become nothing exciting and nothing different! I've got to do something to wake up.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Emo isn't always black.

I just want to love again.

I am so worn out and tired of trying to love and being unable to.
I am exaughsted from needing for someone so much and still not being able to make them my world.

How can i want someone so badly and not love them.
How can i care for them and be unable to give them my all.

I just want to love again.
That's all i want.


Why can't i live again?
Why do i still cry myself to sleep on lonely nights.
I have a man, he's more than just my lover
so why do tears still cover my pillow?
It's all i want is to move on, to be able to live and love again.

but i love daisies

I have got to stop eating all these brownies or i'm gonna get fat.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Gay mirage.

Sorry to talk about such a worn out topic but today i was watching Ellen and she talked about Sara Palin and Gay mirrage.... yada yada yada.... heres my take on such controversial topics [sorry i can't spell]:

There is a reason there is seperation between state and church... so that we can have our free beliefs. I don't believe the church should embrace gay mirrage or abortions or drunkedness or any other act that is frowned upon in the bible or in their own concience. But i don't think any of it should be illigal. I understand that not everybody is going to agree with me or my beliefs... Some people don't believe in God, but i know that they believe that just as strongly and surely as i believe that there is a God; while i can tell them what and why i believe, i have NO right to tell them that they have to agree and i will not try and tell them all the reasons they should if they don't agree. If there is someone who doesn't believe in God or the bible they are in no way tied to the will of God. For any Christian to try and FORCE biblical morals on a non-believer is utterly ridiculus. That would be like me, an American, going to another country and telling them that have to follow United state's laws while they are still in their own country. If an Australian came to America they couldn't tell us Americans that we have to follow their laws... Just as christians can't force non christians to follow christian morals in a secular world. As a christian i believe Gay mirrage and abortions and many other well worn topics are wrong. As an American living in a free country i understand that not all Americans are christians and therefore think there is absolutely NO reason to band such things. There are so many rights that have been taken away from us in a free country, lets not add to that list. You may be insulted that someone is going to sin against God if you're a christian. You may be just as insulted if a christian tries to tell you that you can't do what you want just because it's against their moral [even though it's not against yours]. Look at the other persons shoes.. we are not always going to agree about everything, but we can let it be. Let people live their own lives and don't judge them for being different from you.

My personal beliefs are very right winged, but my social views are very left wing because i have my own morals and i am confident enough in them that i don't have to try and make everybody else think the same way...
I don't care if people listen to different music than me or where the same kind of clothes; it's their right as a person to be different than me and i will die before i try to make them conform to my world.

I want God to be my life

a summary of my last blog on cheesecake:

I want to love God like he's the only one i need.
I want to need him more than air itself.

Right behind God i need a man who wants me to love God
I need more than just someone who understands or accepts it..
I want someone who wants to love God as much as i want to love God.

It's more than just talking about God or believing in him.
I want a man who is going to call me out when i sin
and who will give it more than just a first thought when i call him out.
But the only way that's gonna work is if he has the same standards as me..

I want so badly for God to be my entire life,

A wise man once said that A woman should be so in love with God that a man has to go through God to get to her.
I want to be so in love with God.
I want him to be my every breath.
i want him to be my every want.

How do i love God?
My bf doesn't love him.
My bf doesn't even know him.

I can't have both.
I can't live two lives.

i feel like its blaspheme to even weigh the two options.