Sunday, May 24, 2009

I don't know that i even have my crap together.

Mr. Radio is a cool dude.. He opens the door and he has a real job and just put down on a house and knows what he’s doing in life, but I don’t know that he’ll respect my lines. He doesn’t seem to care that I have a boyfriend. He’s constantly trying to get a kiss and he even cuddled with me last night – Is he just trying to rip my lover and me apart? Does he know what that would do to me?

As cool as Mr. Radio is, he’s not worth Brian. I’m not the kind of girl to date someone but hold back in case something better comes along. If I’m with someone I’m going to be with them… No looking for something else to come along. Which means that It doesn’t matter how much I like Mr. Radio I’m not going to just drop Brian and move on to the next boy. I’m not the type of girl to dump one boy for another.

I don’t know where things are going with Brian and I. He says he’s not going to even think about getting married or having kids until he’s 26. I’m not going to date him for 6 years. After 1 [maaaaybe 2] years there’s either going to be a ring on the finger or he’s gone. But Mr. radio is ready. He’s got his crap together. He’s stable enough to support a family.
• Brian says that I’m asking to much to ask him to hold up to that… says I shouldn’t be asking him to grow up so young… says that he thinks he’s grown up even though he can’t support himself.
• I say that Mr. radio has his crap together. He’s grown up. He’s supporting himself. He’s ready to take care of a family..
• I’m not asking Brian to fulfill any of those requirements, but there is someone pursing me that does fill them.
So for right now I am with Brian. .. But his line is short and the end has already been foretold.
I love Brian. I haven’t told him yet. . . I thought I was ready to, but I think I will wait because I don’t want to be responsible for a broken heart and if the end is sooner than I thought I don’t want to give him false security.
I love Brian.. but Im not sure that that is enough.

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