Wednesday, November 19, 2008

i can't forget

Everybody thinks i'm such a strong person, that's what they tell me. Ha.. if only they knew. If they only knew how hard it is for me to cope with life. I can't. I can't deal with it. I used to be the most reliable person and i cared about everybody, but i look at who i've become and all i can say is that i'm sorry. I'm sorry that i've become everyone else. I can't deal with being bailed on and not being wanted and being unwanted. But that is exacly what i've began to do. I know i'm different and i used to be ok with that but as i get older people are less and less accepting to my differences. There will always be the people who call themselves my friends - but i know that they will never be there when i really need them

I can't stop the hurt, i may never be able to. But i can't let it consume my life. God is my best friend. I have allowed myself to forget that and i have allowed the people around me to influence my life. I have allowed them to mold me. I am a strong girl and i will get over this.
She was my best friend and i screwed her over. .. but i can't let it ruin my life. Shit happens. She had already let go and i just cut the strings. I defently should have dealt with things differently but i didn't and now i have to deal with things the way they are. So i will be out of this lease soon and i am going to move straight to Nashville. I am going to start over from scratch so that i can mold myself from the start up.

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